Amazing Race
Donkeys Have Souls, Too

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Smack That Ass

Ari swears into the ear of his donkey that if the donkey makes him lose, he will cut the donkey up and eat it. I really wish they could have used CGI to add a Mr. Ed mouth to the donkey, which would have opened up to say, "First of all, you can't eat donkey. Second of all, I seriously doubt you can handle a knife. And third of all, I'm in the union, Spikesalot, so you just try it." Jennifer and Nathan are passed by Kynt and Vyxsin. "You can't yell like that!" Jennifer yells at Nathan after Nathan refuses to stop yelling "GOSH!" at the donkey. And then we watch as the donkey loudly begins to wail. "RAWWHHNNK," he says. And then he does this: "[squeak] honk [squeak] honk [squeak] honk." This goes on for a moment as Nathan stands there with his hands on his face, Home Alone-style, struggling to understand what the hell he's supposed to do. "I don't know what's wrong with him," Nathan says. Now, an EEFP informed us that the donkey's bit is out of his mouth, but I have to say, I can only really see the rope, so I don't know, but I assume that anyone who can find a bit on a donkey rig probably knows whether it's out or not.

We return from commercials to find this struggle ongoing. Nathan has this to say: "This is the most miserable thing I have ever dealt with in my life." If that's true, that's adorable. He then adds, "We have the most stubborn donkey in the world." Jennifer tries to shove the donkey, but the donkey's feet are planted. The donkey is not moving.

Ari and Staella, still stuck in place even farther back than Jennifer and Nathan, are passed by Lorena and Jason. And all they're doing is shrieking. Meanwhile, TK and Rachel have no worries, because they're all done with their donkey. Their clue tells them to drive themselves 13 miles to the Connemara Heritage Center, where they will find the pit stop. Excited that they seem to be first, TK and Rachel take off. Not far behind them are A&H, who proclaim "Thank you, Eeyore" as they collect their pit stop clue. Hendekea is sure that she knows where the Heritage Center is, because they passed it on the way there. And she's quite sure that up ahead, she sees TK and Rachel go the wrong way. They realize pretty quickly that they're going the wrong way, but by the time they turn around, Kynt and Vyxsin have passed them as well, so now TK and Rachel have fallen from first place to third place.

Staella? Still shrieking at the donkey, which has worked great so far, so why not? I'm not sure I know how to motivate a donkey, but I'm quite sure I know how not to motivate a donkey, and the answer is: by shrieking. Animals do not like that shit. Nathan and Jennifer aren't even shrieking at the moment; they're standing there, dumbfounded, as their donkey continues to wail in misery and anger. I'm not sure whether their idea is to let the donkey cry it out, kind of like a version of Ferberizing the donkey, but at least they're not yelling. Jason and Lorena pass, however, and every time someone passes, they get more unhappy.

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Amazing Race

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