Amazing Race
Do You Need Some Mouth-To-Mouth Resuscitation?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
The one with all the eating

Commercials. In an homage to my favorite dismissive recap of a commercial, ever, I can only say, bring me the head of the Travelocity gnome.

When we return, Susan and Patrick are still trying to get the hell out of Santiago. And finally, it appears to be working. "Oh, well," they say to each other. And after a two-hour trek out of the city, I suppose that "oh, well" is all you really can say.

Debbie and Bianca, elsewhere, are mildly interested in the fact that they haven't crossed the border into Argentina yet, when they kind of feel like they should have. As they go through a toll plaza (shouldn't they know whether they should be paying tolls or not?), they ask, "Are we going toward Puente Viejo?" The lady's like, "Puente Viejo?", clearly having no idea what the hell they're talking about. Couldn't they have asked whether they're going toward, you know, Argentina? Or the Andes? Anyway, in my favorite example of explosively awesome irony, these lovers of South America, all speaking the language and kissing the locals and whatnot, choose to pay no attention to this woman at all, simply concluding that she's an idiot, and that's why she didn't seem to know anything about where they were supposed to be going. Specifically, Bianca spits with a smirk, "They're all stupid." And right there, I want her out, no matter what. "They're all stupid," indeed. She almost immediately realizes how this will look on television and hastily adds, "Not that we're doing much better with directions, I'm just saying." Sure you are. Nice try at the save, though. When you say "they're all stupid," you're know, saying.

Andes. Those arpeggios that have been around for several seasons -- I'm fairly sure they date back to Love Among The Orangutans, at least -- play as the teams wind through the mountains. Man, I've driven roads like that, and it is not pleasant. I wouldn't be hearing those arpeggios -- I'd be hearing the sound of my own stomach clutching in distress. Brian and Greg discuss how beautiful the Andes are, which is nice. Joyce calls the drive "exhilarating" as well as "exhausting." I think I can get behind that, maybe. The increasingly adorable Uchenna says with vigor, "We're in the game, baby!" Indeed. Even Ray and Deana are taking a moment to be impressed. Kelly adds, "When I think of heaven, this is what I think of." Thus managing to express a sentiment I'm prepared to respect while still kind of bugging the ever-loving crap out of me. She's like the human equivalent of Christian rock.

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Amazing Race




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