Amazing Race
Divide And Conquer

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
I hate Paris in the springtime...

Blah blah blah, catfight, Amie, Light Hair, "If I go over there, I'm gonna…" "What's her problem…" "They got nothin'!" "She'll get more than that if I see her even…" "What did we do to them?" "Why are they being that way?" Whatever. A friendly French airport-employee-type calms everybody down. "You don’t have to be upset," she says. Paul expresses appreciation, but Amie can only note to Paul that the nice lady "doesn't understand this is a race." Of course not, because she'd be knocking herself on her ass to advance their objectives, right? Please. Incidentally, I think the nice lady's name is "Graciela," but I get that from Light Hair, who says, "Thank you for your patience, Graciela," but for all I know (based on later events), this is Light Hair's attempt to say "thank you" in some unnamed Romance language, so I'm not going out on a limb based on her say-so.

Pat and Brenda get their flight. Amie and Paul get theirs, too, and Amie pushes her luck by speculating about a window seat, but is smart enough to shut her mouth and not actually ask. Emily is still despairing over the inability to get seats. Light Hair and Dark Hair make it onto a flight, and an airport guy kiss-kisses them on both cheeks as he puts them on the plane.

Okay, total sidebar. I love the kiss-kiss. There is no way to adequately express how much I love it. Men who kiss-kiss? Are my heroes. When I visited Spain at the ripe old age of 17, I met lots of boys -- high school boys, boys my own age -- who kiss-kissed. I was never so happy with boys in all my life. (That, actually, is not saying much, but nevertheless, I am surprisingly sincere.) All men should be required to kiss-kiss. Or at least to kiss-kiss me. It should be a law. I'm just saying.

In news not related to my romantic fantasies about European men, Emily is still crying. A graphic shows a big yellow line traveling from Johannesburg to Paris, as Joe or Bill voice-overs that they found out that Rob and Brennan had never been out of the United States before (a revelation that is accompanied by most unflattering footage of Rob and Brennan mouth-breathing while asleep -- is there really ever flattering footage of anyone mouth-breathing?). Team Guido says that discovering this tidbit of information caused them to flee the alliance. That alliance certainly didn't last very long. Hey -- we didn't call it World's Most Tenuous Alliance for nothing. I have to say I'm not sure Team Guido's explanation -- "How the hell can they help us? We lived in Paris for two years!" -- is very compelling. Yes, in Paris, they're right. But they won't be in Paris forever, and I can certainly think of situations in which Rob and Brennan might come in handy. (Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. That's not the situation I was thinking of.) (Okay, it was, but there are probably other ones, too.) Team Guido declares, "There are no friends here." Wow, feel the pain in that statement. Guido needs loooooove therapy.

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Amazing Race

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