Amazing Race
Divide And Conquer

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 5 USERS: A
I hate Paris in the springtime...

Team Shower-Fresh Scent passes Davey and Margaretta in the car. Margaretta notes that perhaps they should have driven as well, but Davey seems disgusted. Imagine that -- it didn't occur to the fighter pilot that, called upon to travel a hundred yards, he should DRIVE. Oh, all right. Marry me, Davey..

7:26 AM. Nancy and Emily leave, with Emily obviously preoccupied with being last and, therefore, clearly destined to be bitchy all day long. What a treat that's going to be. Nancy, in an interview, explains that she has "the most important job in the world," she's a full-time mom. Amen to that, for now, but then on she goes: "I do laundry and clean the kitchen and maybe go out to lunch." Geez, Nancy, you don’t make it sound like much fun. Emily allows as how her mom isn't as much of a drag as she thought she'd be. Thanks, Emily.

Dark Hair and Light Hair make it to the museum, chortling with contempt at their surroundings. (I narrow my eyes at them.) They are completely flummoxed -- astounded and amazed -- by the Polaroid cameras on the table at the museum, to the point where they point at the cameras and they say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" and "What the hell's going on there?" Where's Phil when you need him, to put their minds at ease? He could just say, "They're cameras, girls. They're just as afraid of you as you are of them, so stay quiet, because they can sense fear." Anyway, in the absence of Phil's reassurance, the girls then read the animal park clue, saying "near, far, near," in a way that totally reminds me of Grover on Sesame Street. Then Light Hair makes this gesture like her brain hurts and is in danger of falling out. It's hard to explain, so you'll have to take my word for it.

Amie, sitting up halfway out of the car as she and Paul hurtle toward the museum. "Is there a chicken village, or a chicken museum? Does that count for anything?" Fortunately, she is kidding. Equally fortunately, I think she must see chickens somewhere, though we can't see them. If she doesn't see chickens somewhere, then I'm afraid she's discovered a native plant that's the world's most potent hallucinogen. They come to a fork in the road, and Paul says, "Straight or left?" This is despite the fact that the fork presents them with either straight or right. Noting this, Amie chooses "right."

Emily asks directions from a guy who totally ignores her. Burn! Team Mom/Daughter runs into Paul and Amie, who explain that they asked "some villagers" who told them the museum was back in town. I guess these doofuses all hightailed it out of town with no idea where they were going, too. Sigh. Davey and Margaretta now meet up with them, and I'm a little confused as to how Davey and Margaretta got to wherever the rest of these idiots are, but it looks like perhaps they're all quite close to the target but having trouble finding it. All three teams start walking, and when they find the museum, Amie hightails it straight for it, followed by Emily, whining at her slowpoke mom. Paul disbelievingly remarks, "This ain't no museum." Ah, Paul, but it is. They all examine the clue and discuss the ramifications, with Davey seemingly being the first person to actually look at HOW FAR IT IS to the far park as part of his strategizing. Smart boy, Davey. They all opt for "near."

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Amazing Race




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