Amazing Race
Divide And Conquer

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 5 USERS: A
I hate Paris in the springtime...

Okay, seriously. NOW I'm done with that joke. No, really. Sleep peacefully tonight, because I will not be unfurling that joke again. Yes, I've fooled you before. But you need to trust me. It's all over now.

As she and Kim head for the Arc, Leslie snarks, "I don't know where that little cute couple that hates our guts are." Heh. A few more like that, Leslie, and you could get back on my good side, if you stop trying to bribe the locals. Kim and Leslie, you should note, are in no hurry. "There's no reason to run," they say. Paul and Amie, on the other hand, are pretty confident they're not last, but they run anyway. "The sooner we get there, our twelve hours're startin'," Amie points out. Margaretta hails a cab. Lenny and Karyn get one, too, and Emily and Nancy have trouble explaining where they need to go. What? Trouble telling a Paris cabbie that you need to go to the Arc de Triomphe? I think this guy is messing with them. Eventually, he gives, and they're off, too.

So what they're giving you here is that Kim and Leslie, Davey and Margaretta, Lenny and Karyn, Nancy and Emily, and Paul and Amie are all heading for the Arc at the same time, and whoever comes in last will be eliminated. I have no idea whether this is what actually occurred, because it's impossible to judge the timeline. I'll take the dramatic interpretation, though, because it's more fun that way.

Davey and Margaretta come in sixth, and I breathe an enormous sigh of relief -- the biggest I've sighed since Team Shower-Fresh Scent came in fifth, actually. They're elated, too; Davey says, "Hoo-ah!" ["Aw. I think it's almost been long enough now that 'Hoo-ah!' can be funny again." -- Sars]

Kim and Leslie are just getting a cab to the Arc, so they seem to be behind by a bit. Kim asks why they didn't find the flag sooner, and Leslie says, "I don't know, Kim, because we are stupid, stupid, stupid." Okay, that's three uses of the word "stupid," and I'm still too cool to touch it.

Paul and Amie land at the big yellow mat in seventh place. In their cab, Kim and Leslie discuss the fact that their stupidity is diminishing, because the day before, they were lost for three hours, and today, it was only two hours and fifteen minutes. They are, indeed, on a roll. (Snort.) Lenny and Karyn are cabbing it as well, and looking at a map. Kim and Leslie arrive at the Arc, and pause to argue with the cabbie over thirty francs in change that he doesn't want to cough up. Leslie wants those thirty francs, damn it. Meanwhile, Nancy and Emily make it to the Arc, and dodge the traffic trying not to die. They come in eighth, and high-five. Leslie is still arguing over the change, and she is trying to get the name of the cabbie. I'm not kidding. That's how they're spending their time. Then, after once again baiting me by discussing how stupid they are, they proceed to get lost trying to get across the street (which apparently requires the use of a tunnel) to get to the Arc.

"Come on, baby!" Karyn yells to Lenny. They land on the mat ninth. He is not interested in shaking hands with her right at the moment. "You're not going to shake my hand?" she asks incredulously. "We're not out, and you're not going to shake my hand?" She grabs his hand. "Good job," she says. "Good job, Lenny. We're not out. That's all that matters right now." That last thing she said? It's really too sad for me to say much about it that's funny. Seriously, Karyn? When you pause to evaluate what is important and what is not important in the people that you love, try to remember that their kindness is important. Whether they call you when they say they will is important. Whether they keep their word is important. Whether they can find a yellow-and-white flag on the Arc de Triomphe? Not important. Even for a million bucks.

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Amazing Race




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