Amazing Race
Did You See How I Stopped It? With My Face

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
These bootings are made for taking a taxi

The HugeTinies (minus Kathy/Michael) catch a cab for the airport, as do the BoBs. Jill and John Vito stop into a hotel to call a cab. She says, "Can somebody call me a taxi?" tempting goofy people around the world to say, "You're a taxi!" and then hang their heads in shame. At least that's what I did. But in fairness to myself, I felt I had no choice. In the HugeTinyTaxi, Aaron says that "it's all about chasing down those goddamn brothers." So now I guess the Brothers Oppositamazov are on Aaron's Moby Dick List also. "Down with the brothers," Aaron says. Zach (I believe) adds that "the Twins are evil." Oh, so's your hair, Guar-meanie.

The HugeTinyTaxi arrives at the airport just before the BoBs. John Vito and Jill are close behind, which kind of surprises me, considering that they left fully three hours after the HugeTinies and BoB. I have to wonder how that happened. Jill screams and runs into Aaron's arms. EW! Okay, Jill for Vice-President. She hugs Aaron some more. Okay, Jill for Postmaster General. Cut your losses, Jill, or I'll be putting you up for County Registrar. Jill Bon Vito confirms with Aahab that they have tickets on the flights to Portugal, too. The BoBs observe this giant HugeTiny "powwow" with some amusement. A Twin snots that it's better having it divided into two alliances, because it's "more competitive." Eh. Ignore the petty, Twin. Don't feed it. Everyone runs into "Aberdeen International Airport." Who knew?

Standard airport establishing shots, uh...establish the airport. The HugeTinies (including Mike and Kathy), Jill and John Vito, and the BoBs all get on the same flight from Aberdeen to London. (So, to review, that's everybody except Ian the Teri-ble and Firecop.) Aaron and Arianne congratulate themselves again for catching up to the twins. Because arranging those flight schedules is a real act of quality racing. Woo! Also, now Derek and Drew are wearing their gingham-curtain shirts over gray T-shirts. Equally wrong, fellas. Strike two.

5:26 AM. Firecop. They make the obligatory Braveheart joke on their way to the harbor. Well, actually, it's not a joke. They just say "Braveheart." Ah, well. They comment that they're convinced it'll be either them or Ian and Teri who will be out, and they don't think Ian and Teri can keep up with them.

5:28 AM. Teri and Ian. Okay, I swear to God, I did everything I could to avoid hat references this season. I was well-intentioned and honorable. I have tried other things, I have tried to distract myself, I have tried snapping my wrist with rubber bands...but there is no avoiding this hat Ian is wearing. He wears it all day long. Every day. He wears it in the sun, he wears it in the dark. He wears it at the airport, he wears it at a castle. He wears it no matter what. And of all the assy, ridiculous hats that this show has ever produced, I would take back every single thing I have ever said about any of them if it meant I didn't have to look at Ian's Pepe Le Pew French Foreign Legion hat ever again. I love the Tilley hat. I love the knit hats. I love the bandannas, the backwards baseball caps, the fishing hats with "Team Guido" embroidered on them...I can even live with the visor, for the love of Pete. Because this hat, above all others, deserves to be rolled up, spat on, stuck through with pins, set on fire, doused with cheap beer, and rolled up in an old fish wrapper before being disposed of, because it is seriously the biggest affront to my sensibilities since Josh's TiVo beard.

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Amazing Race




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