Amazing Race
Did You See How I Stopped It? With My Face

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 2 USERS: A
These bootings are made for taking a taxi

Drunken cameramen cause coronary problems for their life insurance agents as they careen around the Scottish countryside. We crash-zoom to a castle that Phil describes as a "fortress." Phil, standing on a scenic seaside cliff and wearing a lovely moss-green sweater that oddly blends in with the background, explains that this was the third pit stop on this big race around the world that he's overseeing. And what did the teams do here? Eat, sleep, mingle. Unfortunately, the E/S/M segment shows Jill and John Vito socializing with the HugeTinies. Bah! Break free, Jill and John Vito! Reject the dark side! Route markers, sealed envelopes...oh, and once again, the Exposition Hands are on crack, which means it must be a good episode, jam-packed with stuff more important than my seeing these hands rip open this envelope for the thirtieth time. Phil wonders whether the HugeTinies will "make good on their vow" to eliminate the twins. "Make good on their vow"? Gosh, Phil. How Godfather-ish, especially for a group of people whose only apparent capacity for menace involves the threat that they might whine their enemies to death. Phil also wonders if Teri and Ian can get their groove back. Ew. Forget I said that. I don't want to think about the fact that they even have a groove, never mind getting it back. Just pretend Phil wonders aloud if Ian will ever take the hat off. "Will Ian...ever take his hat off?" You can hear it, can't you?

10:56 PM. Derek and Drew, a.k.a. Team Unsettling Internet Naked Pictures That Are Serious Art, So Stop Giggling (okay, that's probably a little unwieldy) are set to leave. They have those gingham-curtain shirts on again today, but now they're wearing them over black long-sleeved shirts. Now that is a mistake. They're like the fashion offspring of a hick and a drama major. Hint, boys: The only thing that should emerge from shirts like that? Your shoulders. That is the only way those shirts will be forgiven. At any rate, the clue tells them to walk to Stonehaven Harbor to find their next route marker. (Interestingly enough, they do not stop and ask each other whether this might mean they can take a taxi to Stonehaven Harbor to find their next route marker.) When they get to the harbor, they'll have to look for a message in a bottle. This actually made me scream in horror, until I realized they just had to look for a message in a bottle, and not see Message In A Bottle, which holds the remarkable distinction of being possibly the most soporific film in the Kevin Costner oeuvre. Even I would not support subjecting the racers to that. We see some feet walking in fast-mo as Phil explains that the walk to the harbor is about a mile and a half. Team SugarTwin (too commercial?) takes off into the night, asking directions along the way. In an interview, they explain that they're getting the impression that the other teams just don't like them for some reason. Wow, I'm at least glad they're catching on. Otherwise, a lot of people are expending a lot of energy being snots for nothing.

10:58 PM. Ken and Gerard rip open their clue. As they leave, Gerard interviews that they're entering into an alliance with Derek and Drew, and the four of them have agreed to leave the pit stop together. Now this could be a useful alliance, provided they keep in mind that it's, you know, mutually opportunistic and transitory, as I always say. Ken and Gerard are again calling their alliance-mates the "Wonder Twins." Heh. Form of...a gorilla! Shape ice bridge! The Band of Brothers alliance tries to pick up the pace and jog a little to see if they can put a little distance between themselves and the HugeTinies.

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Amazing Race




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