Amazing Race
Did You See How I Stopped It? With My Face

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Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
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These bootings are made for taking a taxi

Everyone searches for the pit stop. Apparently, the Twins have been trying their matching hands at orienteering, because suddenly the compass (?) they've been using to locate the pit stop is missing. Aaron and Arianne try to climb over a fence, but Aaron falls on his ass as he tries to slip down a hill. He moans melodramatically.

Heave cab. Yeah, CAB. Eve is happily directing the driver. Yeah, DRIVER. Heather, meanwhile, is reading -- this time for meaning -- the clue they apparently skimmed the first time through. "'You must walk to the pit stop, the last team to check in will be eliminated.'" She pauses. "When you say 'walk,' does that mean that you can't run?" Eve asks. Heather finally gets it. It's like watching one of those Friends episodes where Chandler just waits for something to dawn on Joey. "OH!" she exclaims. "No, we have to get out! Go back, sir!" she yells to the driver. Quite obviously, Heather knows exactly what the clue means, now that she actually pauses to read it. They instruct the driver to stop. They discuss. Once they realize they may have already screwed up, though, they tell the driver to keep going, and they'll drive to the pit stop and then walk onto the mat, hoping that's what the clue means. Oh, yeah, sure. "Congratulations, that was a World Cup performance. Now you must walk to the pit stop"? Real hard to figure.

I would like to discuss something else: There are no cuts in the crucial segment of that scene. There are no cuts between when they first pay any attention to the word "walk" and when they direct the driver that they'll take the cab to the pit stop and "walk in." Please note that Eve went on The Early Show the next day and said this: "At a crucial point when we were deciding whether to walk or take a cab, it was indicated by our cameraman that it was okay to...take a cab." Okay, but does she think we're stupid? Did they forget the camera was on? We saw the fact that they hadn't read the clue when they first got it, we saw them figure it out, and we saw them make the decision to gamble on having the driver take them to the pit stop. This was not the camera guy's fault, and you know what blaming a bunch of faceless crew guys who can't defend themselves for your own stupid screw-up is? It is low. The camera guys work their asses off chasing these nitwits hither and yon, and the notion that anyone would try to pawn their failures off on them in order to save face makes me absolutely ill. I'm sure they have some reason why they can rationalize this as less than a complete lie -- they said they were getting a cab at the beginning, and the camera guy said "okay," or they asked after they made the decision whether they could take a cab, and he said "it's up to you" or something stupid like that, but the fact of the matter is that the girls made the call to take the cab, in spite of the wording of the clue, on their own, because we saw them make it. Yeah, they kept talking in the cab about whether they had made the right call or not, but at that point, anything the cameraman said was, at most, a small part of what happened, considering that they had already set the path -- and considering that the clue is not remotely ambiguous to begin with, and I do not believe for one second that any camera guy would have told them that taking a taxi was consistent with it. Furthermore, when they were done blaming the crew and parsing and equivocating and personifying every single thing people hate about the image of lawyers they hold in their heads, Heave went on to congratulate themselves for their ethical play, and how hard they tried to rehabilitate the image of the profession. I seriously could not want to throw up more. To think I was within an inch of not completely hating Heather. It's rare that I'll just want to look at people and say, "You ought to be embarrassed by that behavior," and be drop-dead serious, but Heather and Eve? You ought to be embarrassed by that behavior. I say that as a person, as a woman, as an attorney, and as an eye-shadow consumer.

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Amazing Race

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