Amazing Race
Desert Storm

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I'd walk a mile for a Camel

We join a Guido-fight already in progress. "The point is, is that you are going too fast," Bill says. "I've said it about ten times, please be careful, we don't want to hurt the car. This is our only transportation. Slow. Very slow." Joe: "Be quiet. Stop telling me to go slow, okay? Do me a favor." Bill: "No. I'll tell you to go slow when I think you're not safe." Joe: "God, what a nervous Nellie!" Bill: "I'm sorry, Joey, I just, I was helping." Joe: "I know that, Bill, but [blah dee blah unintelligible]." At this point, Bill reaches forward from the back seat and starts rubbing his fingers through Joe's hair, chuckling and saying in this very exaggerated and goofy way, "Oh, you're doing a beautiful job." If I didn't hate these guys so much, that would have been really cute and funny, but I can't stop flashing back on previous bad acts. "We intimidated the other teams by speaking French" comes to mind. Joe has to ruin it, of course, by going on to point out that slowing down and being safe are different. Whatever, Joe. Bill, trying to improve the mood inside the Guido-car, randomly says that it's a "beautiful desert trip," and amen to that. "Thank you," says Joe snippily, and Bill laughs.

Lawyers, still doing the W-T circular shuffle. I'm starting to worry about the boys, here. Finally! Finally! They find it and get going. In an interview, Brennan points out that they were forty minutes behind everybody else by this point. (Oh, nooo! What, am I supposed to ogle Frank?) In the same interview, Rob's hair says, "I have hat-head or bed-head, or possibly I am on strike." (Okay, the hair doesn't say this out loud, but the message is clear.) The Esquires at least have the self-awareness to say that they were "running around like a couple of idiots." Umm…yeah, kind of. Better be good with the compass, boys, or it's Team Ex-squire for you.

Commercials. Mmmm, zero percent financing.

Kevin and Drew find the route marker, which has an arrow under it pointing off the road. "What do you think that arrow means?" Kevin asks. "I don't know, but I gotta pee here, so I might as well pee right here by the route marker." Marker, indeed. Lots of banter about "stupid" and "Drew is a dumb-ass," and Drew is doing the Unzipping-And-Peeing Shuffle for about six steps forward. These guys are a traveling road show of unparalleled proportion, I'll tell you that. "Watch for spitting cobras!" Drew says as he endeavors to relieve himself in the desert. "There's the flag, you idiot!" Kevin yells, taking off at a run. Drew follows, still doing some adjusting of body and clothing. Turns out there are a couple of arrows that lead you off the road, so the boys have to go get back in the SUV.

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Amazing Race

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