Amazing Race
Courteous? This Is A Race!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
Peru-ff beyond a reasonable doubt

Uchenna and Joyce. In probably the weirdest team intro ever, we see them jogging as they voice over that they've had two failed attempts at IVF in order to have a baby, and they've "been laid off from several major corporations," so they', Team Dickens? Or something. And then he spanks her. No, seriously. I'm not sure I ever wanted anyone's fertility problems to be their "hook" on a reality show, we are, nonetheless. And then she makes the comment that if they win the money, they can try on the baby again. Just, wow. I'm going to try to never think about this again, because it's creepy and sad, and I don't want to root against anyone having a baby, but I don't want to root for anyone because they want one, either. Weird.

Speaking of bios high in potential squick factor, here come Ron and Kelly. Ron was a helicopter pilot for the Army in Iraq, and he was shot down and spent some time as a POW, and Kelly was a pageant winner, so they're matched American icons in this...incredibly depressing way. And they're in love. So, okay.

Ray and Deana. They carry the dreaded label "Dating On and Off." That's never good. She explains that they're both "competitive" (which is code for "jerkweeds," as history teaches), and we watch as they lift weights and do karate. Ray says he doesn't know what's keeping them together. And really, no woman can hear that enough. Anyway, whatever it is, it's "stronger than what's tearing [them] apart." Which is, it seems, their intense dislike of each other. But we'll get there.

As the teams stroll toward the starting line, Phil gives his usual patter about "brains, brawn, and teamwork" and so forth. "These are the questions waiting to be answered as we get ready to begin...The Amazing Race." And they fake me out with this every season! How do they keep doing that! I always want credits there! I am a fool. We back away from the Queen Mary. And back, and back, and back. Big boat, that.

Now, we are on land, where Phil is explaining how they're about to leave and stuff. He explains how their cash allowance has to cover everything but airline tickets, which they don't have to pay for. At the end of each leg will be a pit stop; eight of the pit stops will be elimination points. Your first clue is with your luggage, which is behind Phil, as always, because we love the shot of everyone running by Phil. They're to get their bags, read their clue, and then jump into a car in the parking lot. Oh, and the prize is a million dollars. People jump up and down. Is everyone ready, Phil wants to know. They all helpfully "Woo!" their readiness. "The world is waiting for you," Phil says. "Good luck. Travel safe." And then there is an eyebrow pop, and I choose to believe that eyebrow pop is exaggeratedly there for me personally, because I am sick in the head and love Phil. Anyway, "GO!" There is screaming, and then the crowd runs by Phil, and he attempts to cheat death by leaning back slightly, as always. Hee. People fly across the lawn of the park. We see Lynn and Alex open their clue. "Fly to Lima, Peru," they read. And then Uchenna, too, is really, really excited to find out that this show will apparently involve international travel. In Lima, they'll have to go by bus to the Plaza de Armas and search for another clue. And there are only two flights -- United 840, or American 252. And you get $132 for the leg. No palindrome money allotments this time, I guess.

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Amazing Race




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