Amazing Race
Competition To The Fullest

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 2 USERS: A+
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Thank you, wise man

Guido, getting off the bus at the Water Palace (no money for a taxi -- boo hoo, Team Guido!). Joe moms at Bill to "watch the traffic! Watch the traffic!" Frats arrive not long after. Bill and Joe, believe it or not, manage to back-seat drive in a damn rowboat, and that ain't easy to do. ("Do you know where you're going? Over by the steps? The near one?") Once they arrive, they get out of the boat, and Bill says, "What you want to do is, keep your weight low, Joe, when you're getting out…" Joe: "Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah, tell me that some other time when we have our own boat." Hee. Guido-fight! They fetch the clue from Rowboat Holy Man.

Frats, getting in the boat. Drew: "You know the Staten Island Ferry is cheaper than this boat?" Uh, Drew? Objection, irrelevant. They meet the Guidos coming the other way. "How was the wise man?" Kevin asks. "Is the wise man over there, I guess?" Drew says. "Wise man's there," Joe says, with the fakiest fake smile you've ever seen in your entire life, and I am not kidding. After they pass, Joe mutters, "This is the story of our lives. Ahead of these people, but not very much." Whatever, Guido.

Momily gets on the elephant. Em wonders what the wise man will look like, and Nancy says they'll find out.

The Guidos are trying to get to the train station. They have to take a bus, of course, because they're flat broke. Poor Guidos. Literally. I'd be sad for them, if I could really think about it over the sound of myself laughing.

Frats at the Water Palace, running up the stairs. They find the wise man. "Hello!" Kevin says cheerily. Drew: "Hello, wise man." Kevin (getting the clue): "Thank you very much." Drew: "Thank you, wise man." Boy, it's "chief" all over again, and I feel the love for Drew just like I did then. What a lovable damn kook. I'll tell you a brief story in the interests of making it all about me -- when I was admitted to the bar, I had to get five character references. THREE of the people I asked -- independently of each other -- in telling me that they'd be happy to do it, said, "I'll tell them you're a character." Har! Har! Don't you love it? Don't I obviously know no one but goofballs? How would you feel if THREE out of FIVE people you asked to perform that function responded that way? Anyway, if Drew ever needs a character reference, I'll be the first to say it: he is a character.

Frats, running down the stairs. "I'm tellin' you, he's wise because he's been around forever, that guy," Kevin observes. "He's, like, three days older than kerosene, that guy," Drew Drews. Down at the cab, Drew tries to explain where they need to go. "Jaipur railway station," he says, "choo-choo train?" Now Drew, what is the likelihood that your Indian cab driver doesn't know "train" but knows "choo-choo"? Do you think he doesn't speak standard English, but might speak Romper Room? They get in the cab. "Let me tell you," Kevin says, "this guy is better than the guy who drove Miss Daisy." Hee! Marry me, Kevin. Seriously. I'm willing to relocate. In the cab, he observes that they've picked up time on the Guidos.

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Amazing Race

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