Amazing Race
Clearly, I'm More Intelligent Than You

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 4 USERS: A
I'm a Guay? No, Uruguay!

The Amazing Yellow Line and the Amazing Red Line streak from Los Angeles to Miami, and then down to Uruguay. (It initially looks like the AYL has been subsumed by the Amazing Green Line, but that turns out to be the AYL seeing its shadow, which means that we're going to have six more weeks of bitching.) There is a small amount of drunken careening around Uruguay as Phil reminds us of the destination and reviews which teams are on which planes. Basically, the slackers are Marshall and Lance, Dennis and Erika, Chip and Kim, and Colin and Christie. We then cut to Phil standing on a beach where enormous fingers are sticking up out of the sand. The statue is supposed to look like the last thing you see of a person before he drowns. Wow, morbid. Although I guess it's better than a P.A. system that blasts out, "YEEAAAARRRGH! [glug glug]" Phil explains that teams will first have to take a 75-mile bus ride to Punta del Este. He wonders aloud, as he is wont to do, whether the teams in the back will get themselves to the front, and who will be the first to be Philiminated.

At 12:35, the United flight lands. Inside, the teams start scrambling for bus information. Charla and Mirna run outside in time to be anointed with the first "Currently in 1st Place" label of the season. In an interview, Charla says that they're "very independent women." They're also very badly dressed women, based on this particular interview, in which Mirna is decked out in hot pink velour and Charla is in a semi-coordinated multi-striped sweater. They look like an Old Navy ad that fell in a vat of Pepto. Charla goes on to say that they "conquer whatever [they] set [their] minds to." They get to the bus stop, where Mirna tries out the now-classic tactic of speaking accented English to people in other countries in the hopes that it will help them understand you. "Punta del Este, you go?" she says to some very bored local. Heading for the same bus are the rest of the teams who shared that plane -- Linda and Karen, Brandon and Nicole, Alison and Donny, Bob and Joyce, Kami/Karli, and Jim and Marsha. The bus pulls up, and they all scamper on board, much as it is possible to scamper with fifteen crew guys following you.

At 1:00, here comes the second plane. The trailing teams land, get situated, and head for the bus.

Pleasant music tootles as the first bus rolls across the hills of Uruguay. Alison stares out the window, thinking about whether now she's going to be eligible for two Long Island iced teas on Reality Stars Drink Free Night at Dolce. She interviews that she has never traveled much or had the chance to "see different cultures." See, she's Nice Alison. She's not Nasty Alison anymore -- that was just editing. Even when it was on the live feeds. No, really. A Bowling Mom voices over that Uruguay is "very beautiful," not like "the desert" where she lives. Brandon is concentrating more on the game, saying that he's happy to be out at least a half an hour ahead of the four teams who fought their way onto the American flight. Speaking of whom, those teams get their bus at 1:40. Colin says he's "concerned" about being stuck in the back with the scrubs. I remain "concerned" about his hair.

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Amazing Race




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