Amazing Race
Cheaters Never Win — And They Cheated!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Again with the racing

Bags in hand, the teams tear out of the stadium and into the parking lot, immediately scattering out to reach the row of SUVs. BuffJon laughs hysterically as he navigates around the parking lot. Jaree falls behind as a result of dropping her bag. "BLAT! BLAT BLAT BLAT!" say the horns on the soundtrack. Chip directs Reichen out of the parking lot and onto the highway. "Here we go," he says. Here we go, indeed.

Credits. Theme music. Damn, I missed this show so much I almost have to walk over and put my arms around my TV. Sniff. [BOMP.]

Screamy strings play on the soundtrack in a vaguely Psycho-ish fashion as we return to Dodger Stadium. Somebody almost causes an accident in one of the SUVs by cutting over in front of somebody else, but it's hard to tell who it is. In the Russell/Cindy SUV, she reads the clue, which tells them that they have to find the Galleria Victoria once they get to Milan. "Been there, been there," Russell says. In the Chip/Reichen SUV, meanwhile, Chip points out to Reichen that they've got a lot of people following them who don't know where they're going. To wit: in the Jon/Kelly SUV, she says to follow "the California-looking boys." "I'm telling you, those guys are from California," she says. "They got the look." I must admit, we grow 'em pasty in my part of the country, so she may have a point.

Elsewhere, DadSteve says to Josh that since he (Josh) lives in L.A., he might have a better idea of what to do than DadSteve does. David and Jeff, on the other hand, are entirely living up to the intelligence of their facial hair by driving around the stadium parking lot in circles. In other news involving people who have yet to impress with their mental acuity, Tian and Jaree have noticed that the back of their SUV won't close, even though they're good-looking. Go figure. Their first idea is to try to hold it closed from the inside, which is a cute thought, but not happening.

Out on the freeway, Kelly's biggest problem seems to be Jon's inclination to speed because he's so pumped. "Be calm," she tells him. Jon and Al are following them, it appears, but they're undoubtedly thinking about a faster way to the airport, and how all they would need would be a really, really big net.

Ah, Amanda and Chris. She's driving, and she opens with, "Get out of my fucking way," directed randomly at another driver. She interviews that Chris thinks she is a sort of angel/devil hybrid, because on the one hand, she's a nice Midwestern girl, and on the other hand, she really swears quite a lot. Hmm, something about that combination sounds familiar. "Oh, you fucking suck!" she says. "I'm going to eat the back of your fucking car, lady," she says. I must admit to a natural inclination to like women who swear at traffic. Because I? Swear at traffic. A lot. Just like that. Complete with vague threats like "I'm going to eat the back of your fucking car" that are more satisfying than they are literally possible. I'm also guilty of offering arguably insincere compliments to other drivers -- in particular, complimenting men on how much bigger it makes their penises look when they refuse to allow me to merge.

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Amazing Race




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