Amazing Race
Bavaria or Bolivia?

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Bavarian Creamed

Vanessa and Ralph are the next team to spot Neuschwanstein Castle standing tall and gray in the distance. They also see a different castle on a neighboring mountaintop, a squatter and more pedestrian one of built of tan stone, but the divorcees agree (correctly) that the gray one looks "more fairy tale-ish." Team Jersey is also on its way. The two teams both arrive at the parking lot, and again debate on which castle before agreeing on the right one.

Then there's the question of how to get up there. Ralph points out the paved footpath and Joey "Fitness" and Danny head right up it while Vanessa protests, "We can't hike that, are you guys high?" She points out a carriage like the one Art and JJ took, but Ralph insists they follow Team Jersey, because their lead is expanding. Vanessa caves, but vows, "If we're going the wrong way I'm gonna kick your ass." Soon they're heading up on foot, as Ralph asks her to walk faster and make an effort. She says she is making an effort, "to not kill you right now." So while this may have been the right direction, it was clearly the wrong way. Ralph acts like she's (unreasonably) pissed off about being in the cold instead of (slightly more reasonably) being on foot, and she tells him to shut up for five seconds. Five...f--"Don't tell me to shut up," Ralph says. "Son of a bitch!" Vanessa snaps. Hard to believe none of his marriages worked out.

Nary and Jamie are busy asterisking their guy's face, and they ask if he does this all the time. That would be a no. Soon they're done, and they have their clue to Sleeping Beauty's castle in fifth place, and the guy they just did up works his jaw for the camera so his long beard-spikes waggle up and down. A-ttractive.

Mark and Bopper are almost done with one side of their gingerbread roof while Mark flirts with the witch, even though he later describes her as, "Uglier than a mud rail fence." Rachel is taking the witch's cackling personally -- like she does everything else that happens in the world -- and the cousins tell us that their hands are numb from working in the cold. Stacy says she wants to be the first ones out of there. Sure, there's a first time for everything.

Art and JJ hop out of the carriage outside Neuschwanstein Castle and, after taking in the impressive view, walk up some more steps and head inside to the imposing, ornate halls. JJ leads Art as high as they can go, where they find a big bedroom with a canopy bed and an old-school clue box standing in a roped-off alcove. From this, they get a clue telling them to go to F├╝ssen ("That's just up the street," JJ says knowledgeably), but the name of the specific location they're going to has, in JJ's words, "seventy-seven consonants in a row." Phil confirms that they now need to drive themselves to an "eishockey und curling rink" to find their next clue. Off they go, still toting their gnome. I know what curling is, but what's the translation of "eishockey?"

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Amazing Race

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