Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Back to the (sucking) Windy City

Kris and Jon make it to the train station and learn about the morning train to Xi'an. Hornio is right behind them, so everyone is on the same train. Morning comes, along with some peppy, dated music that sounds like the backing track from an inspirational video about starting your career as a stenographer. I'm serious. You could play that scene and intone seriously, "The legal profession is a fast-paced world, and you can be a part of it," and it will make perfect sense. It might even inspire you to quit your job. Anyway, the teams get on the train. Freddy comments that Kendra is happy to be getting a decent bed on the train, and she is totally hoping there is not a pea under the mattress. There's also a great moment when Hayden attempts to enjoy a warm bonding experience with a little Chinese child, and she scares the crap out of him and makes him cry. I think it's the boobs, personally. Kris comments to the other teams that she thinks Jon was concerned that the train would be uncomfortable, and it would make her a "raging bitch." Totally. They might make her sleep on a bed of nails, at which point she would say, "Ow," and giggle, raging bitch that she is. El Hornio chimes in, "A raging bitch is like [Rebecca] on a really nice day." And then we cut to Rebecca, who, unlike Kris and Jon, is not laughing. I'm very skeptical of that edit, but it's still funny.

On the train to Xi'an, the couples occupy themselves in ways that make for nice relationship metaphors. Kendra and Freddy smile prettily at each other. Rebecca and El Hornio lie in their beds motionless, staring at the ceiling and contemplating death. Sweet, sweet death. Kris and Jon? Oh, they're hanging. Because there's plenty of time to make out later. Hayden and Aaron are staring out the window, and I suspect he's got jumping on his mind. Aaron comments that this isn't the way he pictured China, which he expected to be "all rice fields." Instead, he sees corn. Chinese corn! Who knew? He adds, "It looks like Michigan, where I'm from." (Mr. Pseudostudent: "Yes, they are clearly in the area known as the Michigan of China.") Hayden loves the way China smells. I'm not sure that makes sense, if it's really the Michigan of China. (OH! Interstate Midwestern rivalry smackdown bullshit fighting! Don't come at me, Upper Peninsula; I will hurt you!) Phil and the Amazing Yellow Line remind us that this is a 17-hour ride to Xi'an, and I'm betting there's not even a movie.

And then we are there, and the teams are de-training. Aw, El Hornio has the Kitty Hood pulled up. Somebody should really...tell him how that looks. Teams fetch taxis for Drum Tower. Hayden looks a little skeptical as they get into their cab, and on the ride, she asks Aaron whether he's worried that they're not going the right way. He calmly points out that she worries enough for the whole team. Heh. Elsewhere, for some reason, Kris and Jon's cab driver has the giggles, but they get going anyway. I'm not sure you want to ride with someone who thinks highways are this funny, but...okay. Kris even comments that he might be "on something special." Yeah. "Too much green tea," Jon offers dryly. "Yeah. A lot of green tea," she agrees. Hee.

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Amazing Race




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