Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Back to the (sucking) Windy City

Anyway, Freddy and Kendra win, and everyone pretends to be happy, because what else are they going to do? Boo? Sure, booing is what I did, but they can't, really. I hate this. HATE. Oh, and the first thing the Princess does when she's done hugging Phil is blow kisses. I shit you not. Congratulations. You just won a million dollars, and I wouldn't be you for five times that much.

Anyway, so there's a lot of stupid and insipid interviewing, and I just really don't care. Gave our all, blah blah blah. Oh, and Freddy is "definitely worthy of having my children." So Freddy will be getting that uterus installed, apparently, because God knows she's not having the stretch marks. I've seen pregnant women, and the Princess is not doing it. ["She's not breast-feeding either. Yeah, I said it." -- Sars] They make out, and who cares? And you can hear the ding-ding-ding of the train bell in the background, so you know Kris and Jon are still waiting.

Speaking of whom, here are Kris and Jon. "It doesn't matter, because I have you," he tells her, and they smooch. And because that's the way they've acted on the entire thing, you can actually believe it and enjoy it, rather than thinking it's basically bullshit, as it seems to be from a woman who did nothing but snap at her boyfriend about how she wasn't going to tolerate the way he spoke to her for a straight month. "You've done a great job everywhere we went," Jon says. They giggle and make out. The train finally finishes passing, and they finally get to run to the mat. And the first things out of their mouths, of course, are an easy-to-distinguish, not-choked, "congratulations" to Freddy and the Princess. Bleh. Jon talks for a while about how much he loves Kris, but he really doesn't have to, because he acts like it, so you can tell already. She does the same, and it's the same, because they're just patently in love, which is an awfully nice thing to have (accidentally, I'm sure) included in this season full of idiots and gasbags and, in fairness, also a lot of nice people who all went out early.

Much, much later, here come El Hornio and Rebecca, whose presence in the top three just goes to show you that the season sucked ass. Because seriously. Consider past final threes. You're going to know I'm right. I don't hate them that much, but they're not very good at this. Oh, and she says she doesn't know if they're meant to be together forever. God. I KNOW. ASK ME. Feh.

There is hugging. Freddy and the Princess flap their yaps. She congratulates herself for all her triumphs, even though she basically sucks. Are we done?

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Amazing Race




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