Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Back to the (sucking) Windy City

11:30 PM. Nuance. Kendra pronounces the city "Zen." Nice try, there, princess. Freddy claims that Kendra has managed to "grow" during the race. I agree. She used to hate all of Africa, and now she only hates the impoverished parts. It's enough to make you tear up, all the personal growth. Also, can I ask why Freddy is wearing jams? What year is this? Maybe my original Exxon joke is good enough after all.

At 11:44 PM, Kris and Jon are leaving. He laughs at his own dorky inability to open the clue. So cute with his little hat backwards. Loosely translated using my polite-to-English dictionary, Jon's off-the-mat comment amounts to, "Cabs suck. Our plan for today is less sucking from our cabs, because the sucking of yesterday was really too much to tolerate, even for me, and I am engaged in a lifelong mellow-off with the Dalai Lama."

Hayden and Aaron approach the Shanghai train station, and when they get there, they head inside and learn that the train ride takes seventeen hours, and the train leaves tomorrow morning. I keep looking at their little caption that says "Dating Actors" and thinking that teams I dislike always have stupid labels that provide a hint that I might. "Dating Actors." "Engaged Models." "Formerly Dating." All of those labels kind of make me feel queasy, and guess how it worked out? Yeah. At any rate, the train doesn't leave until 8:51 in the morning, so they're not exactly under the gun.

When Nuance arrives, Freddy points out to Princess Kendra that they have to go in where it says "Entrance" and not where it says "Exit," not that he's not kind of an insufferable snot about it. She gripes about how he shouldn't be talking to her like that. He voices over that he's "more aggressive," and he's "seeking answers immediately," and sometimes he thinks this is off-putting to Kendra. I think not getting her way immediately is off-putting to Kendra, but that's just me. And she calls him "buddy" in that motherly kind of way, and you just know that's having a deleterious effect on his testicles. They bicker on the way into the train station, and then inside, they learn about that morning train to Xi'an. As they walk away, he calls her "mean," but allows that she "look[s] cute," so apparently, that makes it okay. Oh, Freddy. Sars always says that people who are really pretty have to find a way to start planning for the time when they won't be so pretty, and Kendra is kind of a perfect example. You can be insufferable but beautiful, but you can't do it forever. Her unrelentingly pissy behavior is just kind of incompatible with crow's feet, not that his isn't also.

At 12:24 AM, Hornio leaves with their money-free envelope. Turns out that that other teams got $297 for the leg, in case you're keeping track. El Hornio interviews that Nuance really screwed the poodle (tm Apprentice John) by Yielding them, because all it did was make them stronger. Yeah! And they're awesome! And everybody can suck it! Because they rawk! Wooo! You know that's totally what his hair is saying, and has been saying all along, except it says it in kind of a nasal voice, so no one listens. Rebecca goes around collecting money from various people whom I suspect of just wanting her to shut up (as I do), but El Hornio voices over that they have an advantage in that she's so "adorable." Yeesh. It's like he has beer goggles, but without the beer. Rebecca, whether through adorable-ness or something else, goes around rendering the no-money "twist" just as meaningless as it always is, as when somebody winds up staking her to a freaking $100 nut in a single encounter. Whatever. I resent international generosity. Apparently, they wind up with $1230, so that money-stripping thing was a really important plot twist, as usual. They head for the train station. I have to say that when you've used a specific plot twist on your show six or eight times and it has never been interesting even once, it might be time to think about retiring it. At this point, the money strip is the "Frasier and Niles throw a fancy party that goes horribly wrong" of this show. And that's just sad.

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Amazing Race




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