Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Back to the (sucking) Windy City

Nuance is still paddling. But look, they're done! They hop out and get their clue sending them to Kamaka Air. So now, Nuance and Kris and Jon are racing to the clue box. First there is my favorite team! Yay! When they open the clue, it's a Roadblock, and specifically it's one that requires the Roadblocker to skydive with an instructor and hit a sandbar, where they'll find a clue. Kris and Jon are so excited about the Roadblock that she jumps up on him, even though he's the one going. I've spent so much time looking at all these other teams that it's very disorienting seeing people happy in situations that don't involve putting the screws to any other teams.

Nuance is on its way to the airport as well, but they're a little lost, and Freddy thinks they've missed it. "Dammit," he says. Oh, Nuance frustration. I only wish I thought it was going to last.

Commercials. Dear Will Smith: I would so love it if you would do something I could like again. Love, Miss A.

Honolulu. Freddy and Kendra are struggling with the navigation, as Hornio gets in their canoe and paddles. Nuance makes it to the airport, and Freddy takes the Roadblock. Kris hops in a boat to watch Jon, who's about to jump.

Hornio paddles. They pull the Kamaka clue.

The Princess is also headed out on a boat, looking all Jackie-O and everything, to watch her boy jump out of the same plane as Jon. So, again, bunching fucks my favorite team. And up in the plane, Freddy gives some macho-ass bullshit to Jon about how it's just down to them racing each other to the finish line, and Jon makes some hook-'em horns, which I can almost forgive, just because there's really nothing you can do but be stupid when confronted with that kind of overly earnest gauntlet-throwing from the likes of Freddy the Bespectacled Goof. The plane circles. The girlfriends wait. Jon and his guy jump. And he actually yells "Sweet!" as he's jumping, because he's That Guy, in the fortunate sense that certain brands of That Guy are acceptable. Freddy pumps himself up in the plane, and then he's the next to jump. What I love is that the Princess is totally waiting in the boat, like, "I don't get my feet wet," while Kris -- still in that adorable dress she picked up during the Detour -- is standing in the water up to her waist, because she has not forgotten that she is in fucking Hawaii, for God's sake, and there is no point in cooling her jets in the boat when she could be in the cool blue water. Jon finds her by the clue box, and they read the clue sending them to their final destination city -- back to Chicago. There, they'll take a train to the Water Tower, where they'll find another clue. They hop into their boat, and Jon talks about how great it was, and his girl just beams at him the entire time. They ouch-ouch-ouch their bare feet across the parking lot.

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Amazing Race




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