Amazing Race
4 Continents, 24 Cities, 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Back to the (sucking) Windy City

Hornio, already dejected, gets into a car at the Honolulu airport.

Kris and Jon get to the Detour clue box. When they first pull it, she wants to do the Outrigger, but Jon notes that it's raining, and it will be a pain in the ass, and he also thinks 2.5 miles in a canoe is a long fucking way. So they, shockingly, decide to try the Outfits. (Entire bar full of fans: "NOOOOOOO!")

Nuance is accompanied by very relaxed and thoroughly stereotypical Don-Ho-style music as they look for the Outrigger option. I only wish this meant they were destined for an afternoon of lollygagging. Freddy tries out about ten different pronunciations for a particular street name before he hits on one that he likes. Heh. Kris and Jon, meanwhile, have found the clothing warehouse, and when they get inside, they select a pair of outfits that they actually pause to genuinely admire. Hee. They start eliminating entire giant racks of clothes that look nothing like theirs, so it looks like they're not going to really have to look through 165,000 things or anything of that sort.

Nuance arrives at Outriggers. They take off canoeing. "You're killing me, honey," Freddy remarks. She doesn't know why. "You just threw water on me," he clarifies. She's not sure why he's making a big deal out of it, because apparently, she would never complain under the same circumstances. Ha ha ha, awesome. Can you imagine a splashed Princess? Actually, I think I will stop and imagine it right now. For a few minutes. I might need some popcorn.

Jon moves racks of clothes past Kris, who checks to make sure none of them are the right ones. Soon, she hollers out for him to stop, and when he does, she has located the shirt they need. Ruthless efficiency! They start in looking at dresses.

Nuance is paddling, and the Princess is waving to some of the Hawaiian commoners on shore. Freddy asks her not to "wear [her]self out," and she's all irritated, because oh, he never lets her have any fun, blah blah blah. Being the Princess is so haaaaaard.

Kris continues rejecting dresses. That demanding bitch.

"Paddle for a million bucks!" the Princess yells. My, she's a bad-ass, isn't she? Yaawwwwwn.

Hornio pulls the Detour. They decide to hit the canoes.

Kris finds her dress, and they throw on the clothes and collect their clue. And they rule all, and I love them, and they are my favorite team in at least three seasons. In terms of sheer unadulterated ass-kicking positivity toward the universe, they might be my favorite team ever. And we even get a little taste of the Horns of Perseverance as they finish the task. Aw! The clue they get tells them to take a ride to Kamaka Air, at an airport about five miles away. They take off and head for the airfield.

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Amazing Race

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