Temptation Island
Ho Me Tight

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | 1 USERS: A+
Collateral Whorage

Only one left after this. So sad. So very very very sad. How does Becker stay on the air but not this? There is no justice.

Previously! Girl bonfire. The ladies got a new sense of "defiance" after seeing their men grab some ho booty. "Shadows of doubt" were cast on their relationships. Meanwhile, the boys got mad seeing their ladies slut around. Tommy was pissed. Edmundo was pissed. Final night of ho-age! Ali got busy with Kelley while Brian fucked shit up by trying to talk too much about Edmundo.

Island Prettiness. Island Prettiness. Day 19. Ha -- Mark L. Walberg sits, waiting for the ladies, hanging his head. He's sure they'll never show up. He's absolutely sure. This always happens to him. Girls are supposed to come by and then -- Whoa! The ladies actually show! They all ignore him and sit. He starts nervously babbling that this is it and it's Final Date Selection time. In a quick flashback, we see the girls booting Aaron, which didn't even merit an actual segment on the show. Mark L. Walberg keeps on babbling, but like America, like Mom, like females in general -- I ignore him. The boy hos come out, and the ladies start laughing their asses off -- so does Mark L. Walberg -- as Rossi comes out in a suit and Keelber Tom in yellow overalls. Kelley -- dumb enough to have to verbalize what everyone has already found funny and begun to laugh at -- goes, "Look at Rossi!" Man, do you get the feeling Kelley ain't too bright? Mark L. Walberg makes some comments, calling the guys "clowns," going on to ask the ladies not to look past the importance of this final decision. Look how hard Mark L. Walberg is trying to get the girls to ignore the "cool" guys and pick someone else for once. You can't change your past, Mark L. Walberg. Sorry, buddy. Mark L. Walberg continues babbling about the significance and taking the decision seriously. They are, dude. Chill. You still won't get picked.

Catherine is first. She whores that "this person" makes her feel a "pure happiness" and that the guy thinks you can find everything in one person and shouldn't settle for less and she's not done "exploring" this person. She walks over in Slo-Mo and Rossi is all sad and there are many cuts and...it's Brian. I guess Brian didn't fuck it up. Yet. He starts camera-tooling that he has to try to step up and take Edmundo's place. That shouldn't be hard: just treat Catherine like shit, force her to get implants, and then sleep around a lot.

Shannon. She babbles about someone opening her eyes to lots of things about passion and loving what he does and he's "wonderful." It's the windsurfer dude, Kevin. Do they even still do windsurfing? I don't think so. Anyway, he babbles that he was the quiet guy and who would have thought it would be him and trust is important and he doesn't open up to everyone. The speech is so cut up they have him say, "She's been a special person now that I can say that I've known in my life." Wow. That's a really bold statement. True love, right there. True...ah, forget it. Next.

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Temptation Island




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