So You Think You Can Dance

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For the Want of a Nail

The two dancers we're supposed to care about in choreography are Bryan (we actually do care) and Ariana (we seriously do not care). Here's what totally sucks: Bryan quits 15 minutes into the session. See, this is why choreography for the b-boys, unfortunately. Damn it, Bryan! Take a rumba class before next season. (I will say having Pasha run ballroom choreography this season rather than the pop/contempo/hip-hop sessions run by Lauren and Travis in the past has really been a stumbling block for the hip-hoppers. But after watching Phillip drag ass in ballroom last season, I can't exactly say it's not fair.) Anyway, Ariana sucks the bag at "Calle Ocho," and Mia lets her down easy.

Day Two in SLC sees Mia in her nerd glasses. Always a good time. Pascal Nayigiziki, 25, is a twitchy motherfucker who, I am sorry, looks and acts like he's on drugs. He does crack me up talking about how if the song calls for him to be Pink asking "please don't leave me," he'll do that, and if it's DMX, he'll shoot ya. Nigel loses patience with his spasmy non-dancing almost immediately, and honestly, he's not wrong. Pascal rips his shirt in half and flops around on the stage and generally acts not well. The judges mock the twitchiness, and Nigel notes the conspicuous lack of dancing. And also how insanely winded he is. Pascal tries to claim he's an "investment," and he certainly has a kind of hustler's charm, but it's a no-go.

After the break, we get a montage of awesome partner auditions, one of which is a brother-sister pair who look far too much alike, in a way that's unfortunate for the sister, I'm afraid. We meet Ashleigh and Ryan DiLello, I take a moment to pray they're not brother and sister, because holy wow is Ryan hot, and I do not need all that sullied by weirdo incest vibes. And look! They're married! (But aw. He's married.) They're disgustingly cute and happy together, of course, in footage of them at home (if you're into cracking the code, that means they're totally making it). Whatever, uncle, I love them. Particularly when their routine set to "Poker Face" is fairly sharp, if possessed of that weird professional ballroom thing where they're constantly mugging, which is what made it so hard for me to get into Benji and Heidi. But get these two into a contemporary routine, and I'll be set. Mary loves Ryan's strength but finds Ashleigh fake -- and she doesn't see the chemistry between them (valid, actually). Mia says there's a "missing link" with Ashleigh, but is totally into Ryan. Nigel shocks even himself when he praises Ryan over Ashleigh. All three judges say yes to choreography, where they pledge to apply the critiques and correct themselves.

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So You Think You Can Dance

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