So You Think You Can Dance
Auditions #1: New York

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Auditions #1: New York

Katie Watts is a dance instructor, and she's here with one of her students, who is bigger and taller than she is. Ashley Keegan is the student, and she wears some black bikini thing with a white furry top that she soon removes while she slithers around the stage. Her legs are about eight feet long. The judges all like her and send her right on to Vegas. Next up is the teacher, Katie, who pretty much all the same moves in the same basic outfit (although her little half-top isn't furry), and she gets sent through to Vegas too, despite being so much shorter than Ashley that she only comes up to Ashley's mid-thigh. They hug because they're under the illusion that both of them can win!

Stanislav Savich was in the Top 20 last year, and he's back, dancing with his sister this time, Faina Savich. They're really good. This is how I would've danced at my wedding if I wasn't a) a lousy dancer and b) too lazy to practice. Nigel grossly tells Stanislav about his sister's sexiness. The judges praise them effusively and send them straight through to Vegas.

Jamal's back with a swing routine, which he's going to do with E-Knock. Jamal basically just vibrates because he's waiting for that horn part to kick in for that ONE SWING SONG again. What his dancing makes up for in swingy-ness he makes up for in enthusiasm, and at one point grabs E-Knock and swings him around and under his legs. Nigel calls him a "star," even if he's not sure he'll remain that way, and the judges all want to see more.

A very special treat! I guess? David Kenneth "Sex" Soller is back! He's either faking it or severely deluded. I haven't decided yet. His new motto is "I'm the best." Catchy! Should I not make fun of him? Is this like when American Idol makes fun of borderline-retarded people and we all hate ourselves? No, I just hate this guy, with his grey shirt and teal shorts, running shoes and what appear to be soccer gloves on. The ovation is loud and long for this guy. The judges, who are possibly high, indulge him longer than is strictly necessary, until they grow weary of it. Sex David says Nigel should have more respect for people who audition, and Nigel points out, correctly, that Sex David is the one who doesn't have any respect for the auditioners and throws him off the stage. David yells, "Sex is back!" Then Nigel pointlessly argues with Sex's crazy mom (whom Nigel calls "Mrs. Sex"), and she looks exactly like David, which is depressingly not very surprising. He tells the pair of them not to come back next year. Try not putting them on again this year! Oh, too late.

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So You Think You Can Dance

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