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Drinks in the Dark at the End of My Rope

Previously: there was that one AMAZING production number stranded in a wilderness of terrible things like Julia making out with Michael underneath her son's open window.

This Week: Okay, guys, I'm going to have to put this one on my shoulders. This is going to be my last recap of Smash, and somehow the show found out and decided to act out in just the most immature and petulant ways. I guess it was too much to hope that Smash would just accept that we had grown apart and the effort to stay together was no longer worth all the anger, recrimination, and hurt feelings. But no, Smash decided to leave a big, heaping pile on my doorstep. Okay, Smash. You want to play it that way? Let's do this.

So Ivy has started to lose her voice, and she's petrified of what this means for her and the show. Of course, everybody else is shitting bricks too, because the first performance for the investors is just over a week away. Tom hustles Ivy off to the hospital, and the verdict is an inflamed throat, but -- YOU GUYS! -- Ivy is hypersensitive to drugs, so she doesn't want to take the Prednisone. That is, until Derek callously drops to her that if she misses a day, they'll get Karen to fill in for her. So Ivy starts popping pills six at a time and in her heightened state, she performs "Who You Are" in her bedroom like it's a weirdly pedestrian music video, and then she starts seeing Karen (in costume as Marilyn) haunting her bedroom mirror. Yikes.

Meantime, Eileen is continuing to struggle to raise money for the show, continuing to stress over the upcoming performance ("A leading lady with vocal problems? Nobody believes that even if it's true"), and continuing to chafe under the thumb of her vindictive ex-husband. To remedy the latter, she goes apartment-hunting with Ellis (who has essentially become her enthusiastic little spy on the show, which is just about perfect) and Ellis's hot-ass friend Zack, who looks like an American Tom Hiddleston and who has some sort of inside track to this ludicrously sweet pad on the Upper East Side (oh, I guess the views of the Empire State Building, Chrysler Building, and 59th St. Bridge are okay). It's pricy as shit, though, and Eileen's already got enough money woes in her life (she's got Nathan Lane and the Nederlanders lined up as possible investors!). So the solution? Ellis and Zack take Eileen to Brooklyn for cheap drinks and arcade games! And DARTS! I swear to God, you have to hear Anjelica Huston's voice enthuse about darts. Whatever happens in the rest of this episode, we got Anjelica Huston enthusing about darts.

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