Siberia
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | 25 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
The Amazing Lost Lord of the Survivor Flies

Daniel uses his glasses to get a fire going, because we haven't had enough Lord of the Flies references. I can only assume this means his glasses will get stolen at some point. He feels this has garnered him some respect. Neeko, in fact, calls him a genius and says, "He instantly gained my respect from that one moment. See, I would have thought this would just make them respect his eyewear.

The mushroom party comes back to the camp, laden with water. Because the river didn't have any mushrooms in it, but there was plenty of water. And they are pleased to learn that there's a fire. Everything's going fine! But Sam is angry because the mushroom party did not bring mushrooms. He's kind of got a point. He explains to us that when he's hungry, he gets cranky. Great. Can't wait for more time with this guy. Johnny smirks a lot, because I guess he's planning on eating his lighter. Everyone decides that the plan is to find food tomorrow, which seems crazy to me. That's like twelve hours away! Are you sure you don't want to find some food before then?

That night, everyone's gathered around the fire getting to know each other. Except for Johnny, who's on the cabin porch. When he turns out to be nicer than he seems, just like Sawyer on Lost, try to act surprised. Annie says she doesn't trust Miljan. Johnny joins the circle and Tommy gives him his seat. Actually, I think Sabina's still on the porch, too, but she's not getting as much camera time as Johnny. Johnny asks if everyone's hungry, because he has a handful of berries. He hands them to Neeko, who's immediately suspicious. Johnny eats one and pretends to collapse. That's pretty funny. Miljan tells us he'll break Johnny slowly. Esther says she's a model. And then! There's a noise in the darkness! Gasp!

There are more noises from the darkness. It could be wolves. Wolves breaking sticks. Everyone runs inside. Leaving the camera crew outside. See, I'd be happy to ignore the theoretical camera crew, but they keep insisting that we're watching a reality show.

There's a wooden sign: "Welcome to SIBERIA". That's probably the other side of the "Farewell SIBERIA" sign from earlier. I mention that because it's part of the montage indicating that it's the next morning. We didn't get a shot of the full moon, which is a huge oversight. We also haven't had anybody tell us that they're not here to make friends.

The next morning, Esther says, "I have absolutely no idea what happened last night. Zero." I bet it's not the first time she's said that. Zing! Daniel goes outside and finds a frog, which he shows it to Johnny. It's got three back legs, which Daniel finds disturbing. Johnny is less concerned: "One more leg -- that means one more person we can feed, right?" If there are frogs in the actual camp, I believe that means the river is very close to the camp, which makes sense for a fur traders' camp, now that I think about it. There's no point building a camp where nobody can get to you and trade furs, right?

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Siberia

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