Siberia
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | 25 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
The Amazing Lost Lord of the Survivor Flies

Esther has decided she wants to sleep in Miljan's bed. He's okay with this, saying he wants the other men to be jealous, which will make them emotional and weak. That's kind of a dumb plan, but I like that Esther was the first person to realize that more than one person can sleep in a bed at a time. Especially during a Siberian winter, I imagine the extra body heat could come in handy. I wonder which man is sleeping on the floor, though.

The men decide go out to look for water, when the klaxons on the Revealer start up wailing. The Revealer is metal and does not have an obvious way to open it. After the contestants bang on it for a while (picture the first scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey), they find that one of the panels opens. And their reward is a note about the Fly Agaric mushroom. It's also known as the Amanita Muscaria, and it's both poisonous and hallucinogenic. But according to this note, you can boil it and it'll be edible. This is useful information! Neeko decides to take a leadership role, and Johnny tells us he's not having anybody tell him what to do. One squad is sent out for mushrooms and another group is on fire detail. Daniel covers the Survivor bases, telling us about how you have to boil your water, so they need fire. It represents life, you know. George the accountant (who admits he lies a lot) starts setting up the rub-two-sticks fire technique. It doesn't work, of course. Johnny tells us he snuck in a lighter. Like everyone thought Richard Hatch did in that All-Stars season! And you know, that only gives you an advantage if you use it to actually start a fire. If you wait until there's a roaring campfire, no one cares about your illicit lighter.

While everyone else is trying (and failing) to start a fire, Esther, Tommy and Miljan are looking for mushrooms. But instead, they've found a river. Spoiler: mushrooms don't grow in the river. Carolina notices that Johnny isn't doing anything and this outrages her. Johnny tells her he can take care of himself, so he doesn't care about other people looking for food. He's so confident, he gets somewhat redundant: "I'm self-sufficient on my own." Because he has a lighter, remember? He seems to believe that as long as you have a lighter, you can live forever in the forest. Incidentally, don't you think the fur traders a hundred years ago probably had some matches around the place? They had matches in 1913. Anyway, Neeko and Sam don't like Johnny. And when he goes up on the roof of a cabin to sunbathe, that doesn't change their minds.

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Siberia

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