Secret Diary of a Call Girl

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Monty Ashley: A- | Grade It Now!
Take This Job and -- Wait! Come Back!

Whoa, is it the finale already? That was quick! We open with Belle looking out over London through some magnificent bay windows. But it's different from when she does that in her flat or in a hotel room, because these are a completely different set of bay windows. They overlook the Thames and have a great view of a building that I think is Parliament. Let's just say it is. Belle tells us that she's educated and therefore expensive, and that she has some clients that are connoisseurs. I imagine it would take a lot of work to become a connoisseur of prostitutes. I know that wine experts have to taste a lot of wine before they really know what they're talking about.

Today's client is Mitchell Rothman, who's a multimillionaire film producer. He's American, which makes sense, because we Americans are all multimillionaires. It's great! Mitchell compliments Belle, telling her that she could take the "next step" and offers to nominate her for something called "Diamond International Courtesans". Oooh, a courtesan. Aren't we high and mighty? No more scones for me, mater, I'm off to play the grand piano!

Er, sorry. Belle seems to like the idea of being a courtesan, which I think is supposed to involve sleeping with King Louis XIV. She and Mitchell spend some time saying "class" in the English fashion, and we have credits.

Belle explains the hierarchies. She's an "escort". Above her is "courtesan", which I believe comes with a small castle and twenty retainers. Or I might be thinking of something else. Courtesans have a few long-term clients and earn a fortune. Belle would like to be one of them. She arrives at a house (of sterling repute, I assume) for some kind of interview. She meets with three courtesans: Anna, Della, and Not-Anna-or-Della. Anna rummages through her clothes and quizzes her. She claims to be 24, but Not-Anna-or-Della informs her that their clients like their courtesans the way they like their wine. Cold and in a box? No, "expensive and mature". Belle promptly ups her claim to 27.

Not-Della-or-Anna, whose name turns out to be Fiona, further alleges that they're a "sisterhood", not an "agency". Mmm. In my opinion, you should always be leery of a boss who says that what you've got is a family, not a company. Anna leans over and compliments one of the dresses in Belle's bag, while insulting the one she's actually wearing. Apparently, Belle should not wear blue. The job interview continues, with Belle saying that she has "great communication skills" and that she's "always looking for a new challenge". Della lists skills that courtesans need, including golf and skiing. Fiona says that their clients are "lifestyle sponsors", and I have no idea what she means. Cutting to the chase, Belle wants to clarify that it's still basically sex for money. The temperature dips several degrees.

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl




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