Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B- | Grade It Now!
The Fearsome Foursome

Okay, it's twenty minutes until the clients arrive. She gives final advice, like using condoms for penis, fingers, and all toys. And always use one hand on yourself and the other on your client. He's worried about performing, but she assures him that he makes people feel good. Also, here's some Viagra. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Leave nothing to chance!

The couple arrive; they are Kate and Liam. There's some small talk and coat-taking, and the are relieved to learn that they can smoke here. It's their fifteenth anniversary, and they were together for five years before that. Ben and Belle act like a real couple who met at university (if they were American, they'd have met at a university), and everyone quickly runs out of things to say about Newcastle. After Alan Shearer, Sting, and coal, nobody's got anything. I'm not pointing fingers; I would never have come up with Alan Shearer.

Belle nicely interrogates Liam and Kate about what they're looking for, and they don't have much of a plan, although Kate gently suggests a little girl-on-girl. Once they're in the shower, Belle rushes off to change underwear, her current choice being apparently a little too hardcore. She gives Ben a choice between "Retro" and "Von Teese". "Von Teese" is a thing now? I thought Dita Von Teese (who I saw on the sidewalk in Hollywood once) was just going for "Retro" herself. Ben drops his trou too, and they discover that the Viagra has kicked in. Naturally, Ben makes some lightsaber noises. Very professional.

Belle has Liam sit and watch her and Kate kiss and make out. Ben sits at the other side of the bed. He doesn't look as awkward as you'd think. He appears to enjoy the show, and Belle has to get his attention to make him help out. Ben takes over Kate, and Belle moves over to Liam. When Ben rolls over to get a condom, Liam sets Belle aside and starts making love to Kate. Soon, the clients are having sex with each other while Ben and Belle moan and stifle giggles.

Left to their own devices, Ben and Belle start to kiss. Ben starts to call her Hannah and has to be reminded that she's Belle tonight. They do not have sex.

Belle compliments Ben on his work, but he looks unsatisfied. The experience did not live up to his anticipation. Liam and Kate, fully dressed, appear and thank them. Then they leave. They seemed nice!

Belle smirks and tells Ben that her job is not "just opening my legs and moaning." He deems it "a total mind fuck". When she gives him his two hundred, he looks conflicted but still takes it. Then he, too, goes.

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl




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