Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 2 USERS: C+
Shiny Boots of Leather

Belle exercises and waxes while telling us that "Being an escort involves pain. But it's almost always self-inflicted." Rip, lunge, curl. "But sometimes, pain can be pleasure."

After the credits, some guy is finishing off sex with Belle. He wants $300 for doing her taxes and will not just "call it even" for some kind of paperwork reason. He needs a receipt, and he strongly advises her to save 40% of her earnings. She has heard it before and agrees unconvincingly. Then he uncomfortably brings up the idea of her being less nice during sex. She stares into the camera.

Belle and Ben jog along the Thames (I'm assuming. It's a big river going through the middle of London; that's got to be the Thames, right?) talking about how she's dating someone who's into S&M. Apparently, Ben thinks she's just dating a lot of different men and doesn't know she's getting paid. Also, Ben's getting married in a year. To Vanessa, who's the weightlifter that kept wandering through the shot last week. Belle is hurt that she wasn't told sooner. They talk awkwardly and jog off.

Stephanie (the agent, remember) says she used to be a dom. Belle assures her that she doesn't want to do it professionally and that she has nothing against the gentleman she intends to torture. Stephanie directs her to a local dungeon, adding, "Tell the bitch I say 'Hi.'"

Belle opens her door to a woman with extremely black hair and her bald male friend, who stands still with a collar around his throat and no expression on his face. "Hi, I wonder if you could spare a few minutes to talk to us about Jesus," says Mistress Sirona. Belle and Sirona have a good laugh, while the man continues to stare straight ahead.

Sirona stalks in and takes off her leather coat, revealing more leather in the form of boots, gloves, teddy -- look, if she's wearing it, it's leather. As the man (black T-shirt, blue jeans) starts to sit down, she snaps at him: "I don't think so! Position three!" Position three, it turns out, involves kneeling, taking off your shirt, and rummaging through a bag that jingles ominously. Belle doesn't mind the fact that the man isn't allowed clothes indoors (as she says, she's used to naked men around the place), but seems a little uneasy with him not answering when she asks Sirona if she wants anything to drink. Sirona pleasantly explains that he won't speak without permission, and then turns to him and asks (in a loud voice that I believe is supposed to be "imperious") "Do you want anything to drink, pet?" Yes, Mistress, he does. "You can drink out of the nice lady's toilet, then, can't you?" Yeah, he should have known better. Belle would prefer not to have her toilet be drunk out of, and she seems to find the man (who has gotten some lengths of chain out of the bag, presumably because Position Three is pretty complicated stuff) a little off-putting.

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl




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