What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
Trying To Get The Feeling, Again
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Okay, I know I was a little down-in-the-dumpy about this episode in my recaplet. I enjoyed watching while writing this up much more than I expected to, so I'll try to be more of an upbeat Buffy. Maybe I can fake it 'til I make it back to a place where this show is fun. Cross your fingers for me. I'd do it myself, but then I couldn't type.

Park Ave. Lobby.

Bridget [on the phone]: Are you there, God Malcolm's Voicemail, it's me, Margaret Bridget. I'm not at all afraid that Agent Guyliner will ever get ahold of your cell phone, or that anyone in this lobby will overhear me, so I'm not bothering to maintain my "Shiv" persona. Anyhow, the Boston-based Hotel Pivoine is closed, but there is one in Paris. And also, Malcolm's Voicemail, why does Malcolm never answer his phone? *beeeeeeep*

Meanwhile, over at Gramercy Park West, Henry "Tool Belt" is having his mind blown by Real Siobhan..

Tool Belt: Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?

Siobhan: Sugar-Lips, it's me. I broke us up to keep us together, m'kay. But I never stopped loving you for a second. Both Gemma and Andrew were onto us.

Tool Belt: You're wearing the scarf I gave you at the Relic Toss.

Siobhan: Relic Toss? Was that an episode of Buffy?

Tool Belt: No, remember how you used to make anagrams of the places we'd meet for our red hot affair? Relic Toss = Cloisters. Now let's make out.

Siobhan: Okay, but only for a second. Now I have to run.

Tool Belt: "I'm so confused. You miscarried the baby so I backed off and now you're backing back on, but what I don't get is if you're also fronting."

Siobhan: Notice the pretty way my eyes are tearing up. That's for your benefit, Sweet Cheeks. Meet me at 7:00 tomorrow at our place in the Village, and all will be revealed. You figure out if I mean 7:00 A.M. or 7:00 P.M. I've left the Jumble behind and moved on to logic puzzles.

Meanwhile, back at Park Ave. Bridget arrives home to find "Tainted Love" cranking, skank boots lying in the foyer, a broken wine glass, a stray dog -- wait, that's a fur coat, and an empty bottle of wine.

Bridget: JULIET!

Penthouse Elevator: DING!

Juliet: [stepping out of the elevator] Hi Bridget-who-I-think-is-Shiv!

Bridget: If you're not the drunken floozy blasting this music, who is?

Juliet: It's my mom, LOL. Lemme you show you.

In the bathroom, Catherine (Andrea Roth) is soaking in the claw foot tub.

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