The Consummation

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: B | 36 USERS: B+
Swing! Brother, Swing!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Reign: Mary broke up with Francis, so he fucked off to the Moulin Rouge and then banged Lola. Now Mary's going to marry Bash. Clarissa -- who is Evil Anne of Green Gables's illegitimate daughter and not a ghost -- kidnapped baby princes Charlie and HenriƱo, so Mary hit her with a rock. And King Henry's about to have Evil Anne executed for adultery.

Evil Anne's servants dress her to go to her death as she instructs the executioner, in voiceover, to cut swiftly and true so her children don't see her suffer. Oh, and she doesn't want him to damage her necklace, as she's promised it to one of her ladies. As Evil Anne puts her head on the block, a lady holds a list in front of her face. Evil Anne straightens up abruptly and snaps, "Prawns? My youngest daughter can't eat them." It's the menu for Mary and Bash's wedding. Ha! Evil Anne continues directing the wedding preparations while rehearsing her execution, because some things have to be done by a queen.

At a cottage in the woods, Lola has just finished getting dressed when Francis raps on the door and lets himself in. They make some couple small talk about how Francis is worried Evil Anne is already dead, with Lola trying to soothe him. Francis's plan is to convince Henry to hand over Evil Anne and the little Valois-Medicis so he can set them up in a castle somewhere and then Francis will ramble on, like a rambling man, to Morocco or Sweden. They both wish each other long lives, far away from each other, and happy marriages and children. (I don't know how Lola's life will work out. Although with her penchant for inappropriate men it surely won't be boring. But Francis should, you know, not get his hopes up.) They straighten out the story they're going to tell Mary --about how they just happened to meet each other at a chateau while separately journeying toward court! -- before hitting the road.

Sexy Nostradamus finishes sexing up some redheaded castle wench and boots her out of his bed. She pleads with him to let her stay and says she just wants to know he's going to be okay. He brushes off her concerns, then says he sometimes feels he's lost his gift, so to get back in contact with it, he hangs himself until he's nearly dead. This didn't end well for David Carradine, Nostradamus.

The girl watches him dangle and choke until she can't stand it anymore, then rushes over and pulls the rope free of the hook on the wall, dropping Nostradamus to the floor. He gasps and grouches that he wasn't done with his vision, but says what he did see changes everything: "I will die for this. The queen will kill me herself."

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