Snakes in the Garden

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: B- | 34 USERS: B
A Song of the Bloody Cross
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Ooh, we open with a Game of Thrones–style catch-up montage: A narrator explains that the English have coveted Mary's country and her crown since she was born. So she's come to France to marry the heir, which will protect both her and Scotland. But forces conspire against her. Forces be conspiring.

And now, previously on Reign: Mary, Queen of Scots came to France thinking she'd fall in love with and marry her prince, Francis II. But Francis has a mistress as well as some doubts about cementing the alliance between France and Scotland. And Francis's mom, Evil Anne of Green Gables de Medici, has been told by her pet fortune teller, Sexy Nostradamus, that Mary and Francis's marriage will cause poor wee Frankie's death. So Evil Anne is doing everything in her considerable power to prevent the wedding. And the CW edited out Mary's lady-in-waiting Kenna's moment of self-love, because girls having fun is filthy.

Dungeon. A jailer tortures a man on the rack. He stops the stretching and skulks off, and a woman comes to unlock the poor tortured soul. She tells him to go, but he's unconscious, so she pulls a poker from the fire and prods him with it to get his ass in gear. She flees and he yells after her, asking why she's freed him.

Morning in Mary's bedroom. Lola is asleep in Mary's bed, while the girl queen is already awake. A maid, Sarah, introduces Kenna, Aylee and Greer, who are puzzled to see Lola in Mary's bed. (They're under the impression Mary slept on the couch or something -- but after the failed defilement plot, wouldn't it be safer for one of the girls to sleep in Mary's bed every night?) Lola's still upset about her boyfriend being beheaded, Mary tells the others. As would we all, I think?

The girls go to breakfast and Mary updates the ladies on the differing reasons she's been given for Colin's attack: the king and queen of France say it was an English plot, but Colin told Lola someone at the castle put him up to it. Mary thinks it's someone who doesn't want Scotland and France to be allies. So that could be almost anyone. While Mary prattles on, Kenna has this glazed look in her eyes like she's remembering how the king had her up against a wall last night.

The king and queen's task today: matching up tiny children for future politically advantageous marriages. Evil Anne tells her son Charles, who looks about eight, that his future missus, Madeleine, is not only rich, but she has a giraffe! He looks psyched about the giraffe. Not so much about getting girl cooties on him. King Henry tells Francis to escort his brother to the landing to meet Madeleine's ship.

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