Hearts and Minds

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: C | 33 USERS: B+
Don't Cry for Me, Grande Lisboa
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

You know the drill by now: Mary's the queen of Scotland. England hates her. France likes her, but isn't ready to put a ring on it. Her best friend's a ghost. But luckily Portugal wants to get into her royal lady-pants, and they'll give her an army to play with.

Tomas and Francis compete in an archery competition, both of them sneaking glances at Mary to make sure she's watching. Sexy Nostradamus worriedly asks who designed the target—a rough figure with a burlap bag for a head—and Evil Anne of Green Gables laughs that it's meant to look like the castle ghost. "You know, the girl they blame for every servant who runs off or goes missing," she titters. From the look on Henry's face, he's probably aware of where a few of the girl servants go (to a convent, while suspiciously round in the belly!).

Francis congratulates Tomas on his shot (which went through the target's head), then snarks that the point is to hit the heart. Tomas is all, oh yeah? He shoots again and nails it. He goads Francis, who shoots again, also hitting the heart. Mary makes her panicky aaaaahhhh-the-boys-are-fighting face while her ladies gossip about the recent change in Tomas's personality—seems he's become less the suave seducer of last week and more of an overbearing jackhole. Kenna smirks to herself and looks up to the dais where the king sits and gives him the sex eyes. The ladies discuss Mary's secret not quite engagement to Tomas, which won't be official until Henry releases Mary from her betrothal to Francis.

Uncle Claude interrupts and draws Mary away for a chat. She asks why he and Henry haven't resolved the marriage issue yet. Claude says it's complicated so it will take time, and Mary marble-mouthedly pouts that she refuses to beg for something she's not sure she wants. If you needed reminding that Mary is supposed to be FIFTEEN. Claude points out that she'll beg if that's what she has to do to keep Scotland safe (and it's adorable how he says "our borders" as if he's not French). "You'll be queen of nothing if you don't make Scotland safe from England, and you can't do that without Portugal's strength, which you can't have without Henry's release to marry Tomas," he snaps. And then he faints from lack of oxygen because that was a hell of a mouthful.

Inside the castle, Sexy Nostradamus checks on Bash, who's dozing. Lola asks about his recovery, and Nostradamus gruffs that his wound is healing, but he has an infection that could kill him. Bash mutters that Nostradamus shouldn't scare girls, and Lola squeals over him a little. He confirms that he feels about as fine he looks—and since he looks like he went on an eight-day bender and then ran a marathon, it's safe to say he's feeling poorly. Nostradamus goes to get him some water, and Lola takes his place at Bash's bedside.

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