The Cop

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The Cop

Good morning, Bench employees! Your first customer will be Gladys, the saucy DMV vessel registrar. So hop to it, Ben, Sam, and JBL. It's time to get down to business!

Gladys rocks the mom jeans all over The Bench while The Stooges gawk and puzzle over whether demons do regular people stuff like sleep, eat, and go to the bathroom. Judging from the amount of TP that Gladys is stockpiling, we know at least one of these holds true. A curious JBL starts heading toward Gladys, and Sam tells him not to do anything stupid. Oh, sweet, simple Sam… JBL confirms that he will most certainly do something stupid. It's in his blood.

JBL incognitos past Gladys and shoves Andi off of her register. "Glad Bags" arrives at his counter and is, unsurprisingly, less than thrilled to see him. She pays, escaping JBL's tantalizing offer of food court smoothies, hot dogs, and churros. She has business to take care of -- business that involves tarp in her trunk that appears to be wrapped around a corpse. JBL is uncharacteristically and, might I add, wisely silent on this matter. He does, however, stand in front of her car and challenge her to run him down. She lets off on the brake just enough to make him jump back, at which point he is sideswiped by an SUV and knocked into a row of shopping carts. Gladys drives off, unconcerned, bidding the wincing JBL to "Have a nice day."

It's that time of the month again. (No, not that time, silly.) Time for "Employee of the Month"! I'm sure you can guess who it's not. As Tedager talks, Sam mentions Andi's upcoming birthday. She wants to keep it low-key, but she does slip in that Greg Krasinski will be there. Back in Benchylvania, Tedager has also devised the dubious distinction of "Dog of the Month" for the crappiest employee. JBL's ready to accept, but Tedager singles out Sam. JBL laments the end of his nine-month reign as "Dog of the Month," but when he hears this month's prize is cleaning gum out of the dumpster, he concedes.

Out at the dumpster dives, we see this week's STW (if one can even call it that anymore, since they are rarely actual talents) -- a tattoo of a cardinal on his forearm. Sam falls into the dumpster, and lands in the seat of a chi-chi restaurant with WiseGuy. He tells Sam that he is his Employee of the Month, and slides over a box with an expensive watch inside. He also hands over the next escapee's dossier.

This particular soul was "one mean dude" named Curtis D. Mays. He was lethally injected ten years ago for multiple homicides, and he wants revenge. WiseGuy foreshadows that people will suspect a copycat killer. Sam is suspicious of the inevitable catch, but WiseGuy and his gleaming grin insist that he's trying to make Sam's life nicer. Sam slips in whether WiseGuy can get somebody to clean out the dumpster, but when he looks up, WiseGuy has vanished just in time for the waiter to deliver the hefty bill. Sucker!

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