Cash Out

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
Cash Out

We open on The Three Stooges at night, playing video games. Sam's phone rings. He claims he has to help his mom so he can leave. Cut to the bar, where he's actually meeting Cady -- the daughter of WiseGuy's ex-girlfriend (and, therefore, WiseGuy's potential progeny). Cady mourns the death of her pet fish Walter, so Sam proposes a whiskey shot in Walter's honor. Then, as one is wont to do on a first date, Cady pulls out a tiny, velvet-lined coffin -- with Walter inside. American Goldfish -- the new Spanish Fly! Walter's earth-bound body distracts Sam too much for banter, so Cady heads off to flush him (Walter, that is).

Sam takes a serious swig of beer, then drops something. When he comes back up, JBL and Ben have arrived, and are ogling him with disapproving scowls. Sam is baffled that they found him, but -- for real -- there are like two places in this town, so if he's not at The Bench... JBL protests Sam dating "Beelzebabe," and Sam tells him to pipe down. They address the possibility that Cady could be Satan's daughter, but Sam refuses to believe it.

Cady returns from Walter's impromptu funeral. Sam introduces her, and she is greeted by more scowls. She softens them up by offering to buy the first round, but they're still suspicious. Sam asks Cady to dance to avoid their shenanigans. On the dance floor, Sam apologizes for his friends' weird behavior, but she brushes it off. She asks if they're maybe a little overprotective, and Sam assures her they're not. Of course, as he says this, JBL and Ben dance up to them. Mind you, they're dancing with each other. And with the first strains of HoYay!, the episode can begin.

As I said, if they're not at the bar, they must be at The Bench, which is precisely where the next scene begins. JBL and Ben are stocking and (incorrectly) pricing motor oil. Andi walks up and teases them about slow dance from the night before. Ben informs her they were doing recon work on Sam's new girl. Andi "Let's Just Be Friends" Prendergast involuntarily shows a spark of jealousy. JBL eventually reveals their theory that Beelzebabe is Devil Spawn, but Andi just gives them a weird look and takes off.

Meanwhile, Sam's at 667, getting ready for work. He answers the phone, and a very sultry Beelzebabe is on the other line. She asks what he's wearing, then tells him, in some detail, that she just got out of the shower. She throws in that she likes to bite the heads off of live chickens. As Sam's eyes bug, she starts giggling and tells him to turn around. Har har! It's that bawd of a boss, WiseGuy! He tells Sam he "totally hosed" him. Okay, WiseGuy, let's set some ground rules -- please never ever use the word "hosed" again. WiseGuy ribs Sam that dating Cady is a weird way to get close, then concludes that he'd "tap that gene pool." I'll just go ahead and add that phrase to the no-no list. Sam does too, judging from the look on his face.

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