Real Housewives of New Jersey
Zen Things I Hate About You

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 8 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Crooked Dicks and Clean Hearts

Juicy says that Teresa would never hurt Joe, and Joe says that they should then straighten Penny out and put her to an end. Jacqueline is all, "What happened to the trust rope benefits?" Juicy drunkenly tells Joe to forget about the idiot Penny, but Joe notes that if the remarks were about his wife, Juicy wouldn't be so calm. Actually, I think he would give the same less-than-two-shits that he's giving now. Rosie, however, wouldn't stand for it. I think this makes her once again melancholy that she doesn't have a girlfriend, and/or everyone is completely shitfaced. Joe argues that he wants to string Penny out, and Teresa counters that she doesn't want to give her any more attention. Then Joe yells that he wants to just end it, and throws a glass against the wall. And THEN Melissa walks up to Joe muttering, "You are so embarrassing. Get in the room. Get in the room. Get in the room you idiot." That's almost as good as the spray-on hair revelation! Teresa notes that a piece of glass almost went in her eye, but nobody seems to care. Meanwhile, Melissa wonders what's wrong with her idiot husband who loses control like a psycho. In an interview, she says that he wasn't right for throwing the glass, but his heart is ten times bigger than his temper. She claims to have a soft spot when he does things like that, which she expresses by calling him an embarrassing idiot. People have all sorts of terms of endearment these days.

Caroline weighs in to tell Teresa that Joe is in pain because he feels like she's part of this situation. Teresa argues that she's not fucking part of it, and Caroline says that the way to prove it is to unite with him against the horrendous Penny-monster. Kathy interjects to say that the way to better all this is for Teresa and Joe to unite and send a message to tell Penny to stay the fuck out of their family. And then everybody else can stop listening to this stupid shit, hopefully including us. She suggests that they stop listening to outsiders who are trying to break the family apart. Caroline agrees that sticking together and putting Penny in her place is a good way to proceed. Juicy weighs in to say that he's with Joe, and Teresa sort of half-heartedly agrees to help in the effort to straighten Penny out. Does this mean we're going to have to see Penny again? Ugggggh.

Caroline orders Joe to hug Teresa, then says that this is over. Melissa commends herself for letting this situation go, and says it feels good to be on the same team. Teresa makes Joe promise that there won't be any violence, even though I think every single viewer of this show would feel all right about a Penny or especially Kim D. beatdown. Al then gives an impassioned endorsement of the Gorga siblings jointly confronting the garbage people who would tear them asunder, saying that they will then be as they were growing up in the old neighborhood -- united and unbreakable. Get it done, he orders! And then they an have a celebratory banquet at the Brownstone, during which they'll start arguing about some other stupid thing and not speak to each other for eight months. Victory.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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