Real Housewives of New Jersey
Zen Things I Hate About You

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 8 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Crooked Dicks and Clean Hearts

Richie asks Melissa what her birthday wish is. She refuses to talk about it at the table, but tells us in an interview that she just wants all the rumors and nasty tweets to stop. Melissa then makes some birthday remarks, in which she mentions her new friends (the Manzos and Lauritas) who are starting to feel like old, good friends; Kathy, whom she appreciates; Richie, who is great with her kids; the two Joes for bonding; and Rosie, because everyone is in love with her. Conspicuously absent from this lovefest is any mention of Teresa. Caroline looks like she can't even believe this shit. She tells us that she doesn't know if the snub was deliberate (DUH), but it confirms that nothing is resolved between these assholes. If only Wyatt were here to witness this whore-on-a-stroll moment and shake his cowboy-hatted head in disgust while asking an insightful question.

After dinner, champagne is poured. Juicy gives a charming little toast, and Chris remarks upon the fact that many former factions in the room are now at least communicating. Teresa claims to feel Zen, which makes Juicy tell her to shut up and Caroline look disturbed. And that's when we catch up with the beginning of the episode, when Caroline noted that they've all been in this laughing together situation before, then hated each other after. Everyone in the room looks like, "Oh, fuck. Can't we have just ONE nice vacation?" Anyway: clean hearts. Caroline is fine being the blower of the Zen moment, because she just can't take it anymore.

Joe Gorga begins by saying he used to hate Juicy, but was able to admit that and now things are better. It's better to admit things, he reiterates, turning to Teresa and saying that he knows she didn't like Melissa, and also the whole Penny-Jan thing. Joe says that he believes Teresa played a role in it, claiming not to care anymore. Teresa says that Penny started hanging out with Jan, and now talks to a lot of people that Melissa knows. She says again that she never gave Penny any information. Melissa says that Joe isn't talking just about Penny, but the whole damn situation. Teresa again says that she was never a part of it, and wants to drop it. Richie interjects to say that they're not resolving anything by dropping it. Caroline mutters to Kathy and Rosie that the Gorgas have to get their stuff out, otherwise it's never going to go away. Kathy cosigns that she wants them to get it out and get it over with.

Joe notes the awkward staged-seeming manner in which Teresa asked Penny to confirm that she had no involvement in the mess. He says that it's okay if she did it, or even had just a little involvement, but it's better to admit it. Teresa says that she's not admitting to something she didn't do, and Melissa suggests that maybe she merely had a supporting role. Teresa says yet again that she didn't have any part in it, check her out. The siblings start bickering, and Caroline tells both of them that they can't walk out of Arizona feeling like this. Melissa then accuses anyone who thinks that Teresa might admit something of losing their minds. Furthermore, she wants to focus on making Penny stop the insanity.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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