Real Housewives of New Jersey
Zen Things I Hate About You

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 8 USERS: B
Crooked Dicks and Clean Hearts

Kathy and Rich go next, without much success but with great hilarity. Chris and Al give it a try and fall pretty quickly too. Juicy and Rosie shit their pants in Italian. Teresa then yells that she wants Melissa to do it. Melissa shrugs her shoulders, but asks Conor to harness her up. Teresa volunteers to be her partner (I'm sure with some prompting by producers) and asks if Melissa trusts her. Melissa says, "I trust you today," which I think is actually a lie. Conor tells the two women to focus on the moment and their partnership as Teresa, a one-time unsuccessful veteran of this exercise, doles out advice. The women shake a bit on the high wire, and Teresa says that after this they're never fighting again. Until tonight!

While Teresa and Melissa are on the wire, Joe checks Twitter to find more nastiness from Penny-Jan. He feels like the whole situation is never going to end. Teresa and Melissa make it about a third of the way across the wire, which is pretty good. Conor says that they had good communication, but leaning on each other caused them to fall because it takes more commitment to support each other. I am not sure what exactly that means, but Caroline tells discounts Teresa's claim that they'll never fight again by saying that they'd have to be on a high wire for the rest of their lives for that to happen.

And then it's time for the group dinner of horrors. Everyone else seems to be ready and gathered while Melissa takes her time spackling on makeup and hearing from Joe about nefarious tweets. Melissa tells Joe not to stress about it and to move on, but he really wants Teresa to own up to her involvement in the whole thing. Melissa says that unless Teresa is going to do some confessionalizing full force, she doesn't need it. As the group debates whether they have flowers or cakes on their table, Melissa enters in a sequined miniscule birthday romper. Teresa gives a judgey look, forgetting that we've seen her chuckalina full of sparkles.

Over dinner, there are some words about the Zennis match, then talk turns to how the only horse leg that Melissa moved during her session with Wyatt was the "middle one." Melissa notes that the horse saved his true boner for Joe. With the topic of boners opened up, Juicy shares a charming story about how his father's dick had a stroke and got crooked, and his mother likes it better now because it's bigger. Jacqueline actually is into the crooked dick story, and says she really likes the Juicy on this trip. Though that story is giving me nightmares while I'm still awake, I have to say that I do too. Like all of them, when he's not being completely horrible he's kind of fun.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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