Real Housewives of New Jersey
Zen Things I Hate About You

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 8 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Crooked Dicks and Clean Hearts

In the massage room, Caroline notes that the men told their truth on this trip, but neither Teresa nor Melissa wanted to address the truth of their relationship, which is the thing that needs to be told. She thinks they're harboring a lot of anger, but won't talk about it. Wow, how intuitive she is. I'm sure no one else picked that up. To demonstrate the simmering anger, we briefly see Teresa and Melissa taking the "Zen" out of "Zennis," which is actually not a real word or thing to begin with, so is an annoying barometer. Caroline thinks that neither one of them wants to be the one to start an argument, but that’s the only way that they'll be able to heal. Or they could just smash each others' heads in with their Zennis rackets, which seems way more likely. Caroline is committed to them not leaving Miraval without some sort of explosive drama. Do you think Andy Cohen gives her a bonus for that? $5,000 for every vein that pops out of Joe Gorga's head!

And then it's time for some crazy sort of trust game apparatus with Challenge Course Leader Conor Elridge. The cast will be doing some high wire partner activities, which will involve harnesses that Juicy thinks look like "SMD" gear. Well, at least we know Juicy and Teresa aren't whipping each other. We are reminded that Caroline is no fan of heights, which I guess means she's sitting this one out (just like whichever contestant has a knee injury on The Biggest Loser!). Conor points out the thin cables above, which teams of two will have to cross using major teamwork. Rosie, being the only one in the group with true critical thinking skills, says this is not about the goddamn wire. It's about working together, holding each other up, and moving forward. What's the worst thing that can happen, she asks, answering her own question by saying, "We fall." Into a fiery pit leading to middle earth, after which the ground immediately closes and daisies start to grow, making the spot indistinguishable to passersby or rescue workers. Actually, that might be the best thing that can happen, for greater humanity.

Teresa and Joe are first on the high wire. Melissa heckles Teresa from down below, which is tough talk from someone in a fringed aqua blue tube top. They both have to climb up a pole and while Joe is a natural lumberjack, Teresa seems awfully scared. Joe is quite a champ in this situation, telling Teresa to lean into him and trying to allay her fears. On the ground, Richie wishes he had a paintball gun. "Paintball." Conor basically tells them to move along. Joe interviews that it's very difficult for Teresa to let her guard down and feel vulnerable since her whole life is a facade. This is how their parents taught her, but Joe says that if she'd open up and be real, he'd respect her much more. Teresa eventually leans on Joe, and the two start to make their way across the wire. They take a few steps before falling, which is something.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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