Real Housewives of New Jersey
Whine Country

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The Grapes of Wrath

Teresa and Juicy return to the table and get questioned about what was going on. Juicy says that Teresa attacked him in the vineyards and wanted a fast one. Even Joe Gorga thinks this is too much, and actually looks really disturbed. When Joe Gorga thinks you're being gross, you have a major problem. And Poor Lancaster Estate wines, at such risk for a cootie infestation.

The next morning, Teresa tries to kiss Juicy when she wakes up and he literally pushes her away. I love how even amidst all of this video evidence of the fact that he wants nothing to do with her as a carnal being or as a human, period, Teresa still tries to pretend that they're horny as nubile rabbits for each other. Newflash: It only makes you sadder! Maybe that's what she's going for, actually. Jacqueline does Teresa's hair for a fancy dinner. Another newsflash: Jacqueline feels fat. And newsflash III: Chris Laurita has some issues with Juicy, given his shit talking of the Laurita/Manzo family. Jacqueline hopes that they talk and reach some sort of understanding. I hope they all die an instant fiery death within the next three minutes, and the final ten minutes of the episode are just black silence. Or flames. Oh God, and then Teresa has to complain to Jacqueline for a while about Kathy and the recipe thing, because God forbid we don't bring that up for a whole episode.

Albert and Albie have a nice father and son talk, and then Caroline approaches Kathy for help with her hair. Kathy asks Caroline what happened with Jacqueline and Teresa, and Caroline says that they've agreed to disagree about the definition of friendship. Caroline adds that Teresa is emotionally retarded, which is something that I think we can all co-sign. Jacqueline then enters, and says that she and Teresa are getting along better, and that she needs to know her boundaries with Teresa, e.g., not ask her any questions about herself or her life. Caroline tells Jacqueline that this doesn't make her (Jacqueline) happy, but Jacqueline seems more or less okay with it. She notes that Teresa and Kathy seem to be getting along okay, but Caroline butts in to say that she sees Teresa moving toward Melissa but not toward Kathy. Kathy agrees, and says that even though they've been getting along okay... well, basically she still thinks that Teresa is full of shit, and feels like she's being pushed aside as Melissa and Teresa bond. Caroline likes Kathy, because why would you not like Kathy?

With that, it's dinnertime on the last night of the vacation. Chris makes a toast about how fun the whole thing was, and how he's looking forward to spending time with them all in the future. Teresa then wants to "say a toast" herself. She thanks Chris and Jacqueline for inviting them, then says that she and Juicy loved spending time with Joe and Melissa and love them very much, and finally wishes Caroline a happy 50th. Kathy looks peeved and shrugs her shoulders. Everyone raises their glass except for Caroline, who mumbles that she doesn't raise her glass to mean toasts. Kathy says it doesn't make sense to her why she wasn't included in the toast, and how Teresa can pick and choose when they're family and when they're not. She feels embarrassed. Caroline is stewing, and tells us that she wants to get up and leave. Also, she wants to deck Teresa. She thinks that it was a deliberate shun. Richie, however, thinks that a shun from Teresa doesn't mean anything, because he doesn't give a shit about her. He is, however, upset that Kathy's efforts to make things better only result in Teresa getting nastier and nastier. Everyone is team Kathy, obviously.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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