Real Housewives of New Jersey
True Love, True Lies

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
"You & Your Hat: Shut Up."


They set things on fire and launch them into the sky. Like hot-air balloons or something.

Jamie: "They're call wish balloons."
Rich: "Wish lanterns."
Jamie: "Whatever. Clearly this part wasn't my idea."

It's a lovely effect, truly. And Chicago burns to the ground once again. Thanks, guys.

Juicy: "My wish lantern wish is that you won't go to therapy. And that you will continue to cut yourself all from your friends, family and reality until all we have left is me, you, drinking, and eventually Milania killing us all in our beds one night."
Teresa: "My wish lantern wish is that you will go to jail and my nightmare can be over."
Jackie: "My wish lantern wish is that Teresa -- with her complete lack of problems she doesn't create for herself -- could be as happy as these two gay dudes who have managed to build a joyful life even in the absence of basic civil rights."
Caroline: "I just wish Teresa wasn't here."
Juicy: "I also wish everything could be as beautiful as a gay wedding. But it won't ever be."


Teresa and Juicy are going to jail, but don't seem too concerned about it because they are delusional con artists. Jackie worries about this, which makes Teresa think that she has gone quote "heckle and jive." I don't know what that means, but I'm fairly certain it's a bad thing. Teresa screams at Jackie about Melissa some more, presumably out of nowhere, so Jackie tries to explain to Teresa that she might be going insane. Teresa interprets this as an expression of Jackie's jealousy toward Teresa's imaginary (yet somehow still terribly sad) life, which is Caroline's cue to show up and hand Teresa some of her unhelpful bullshit about how Teresa is in fact crazy, and that's when things get real.

I have no idea what Rosie will be up to, but I hope somebody tells her about the Wish Lanterns because I think she'd really get a kick out of those.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Killing, Bunheads, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, and novelette "The Commonplace Book" will appear on in October 2012. His wish lantern wish is that Jacqueline and Kim G would have their own show where they ride motorcycles around America to different spots of historical interest.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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