Real Housewives of New Jersey
Third Eye Blind

Episode Report Card
Rachel Stein: D | Grade It Now!
Far, Far Away

We begin another lovely day at the Jersey Shore, where Teresa asks Juicy if things are going to be weird with Rich after Nutgate, and he is of course using a doorway pull-up bar. Fortunately, there's little time for drama as Jacqueline and Chris are on their way, so Joe agrees to be ready in five minutes, the time it takes to put on a shirt and presumably make Gia cry.

The Ashley(e)-less duo show up and let themselves in, Jacqueline wearing an adorable purple dress and a jean jacket. The women exchanges kisses and compliments while Juicy, who has learned nothing, sneaks up on Chris and does one of those types of jabs to the belly that men sometimes do to one another... that, or he attempted to find his testicles, too. Hard to tell, honestly. The camera angle is weird. Also, he's wearing sunglasses.

We're then shown three scenes: Outside, Juicy's friend Mark is helming a boat and Gia shows a rare smile. In the kitchen, Juicy and Chris eat salami and talk about spraying Rich with champagne and then watching him cry, because that's a thing. In Teresa's room, Our Lady Delusional tells Jacqueline that she's pissed at Rich because he could have poked out Joe's eye. Jacqueline has to swallow back her laughter. One of the Giudice daughters asks when her cousin Antonia will be there, but Teresa shoos her out so she can talk more about this stupid $2.99 tabloid cover, which I guess I prefer they talk about over the cookbook, I guess. She reiterates that her brother Joe has not been there for her and how much it pains her that he wasn't around those ten days Juicy was in jail. Jacqueline (unfortunately only in a TH) points out that Teresa talks about how stressed out and unhappy these magazine articles make her, but that she is obviously agreeing to pose for them and talk to anyone who will pay for her story, even if she won't tell any of her actual friends what she's going through. She poses the question: Is Teresa profiting from people's pity, or does she really feel this upset? I, for one, just think she just really trusts the readers of In Touch to be good gal pals. And someone's got to pay off that endless amount of debt, right?

During an eye shadow applying sesh, Teresa tells Jacqueline about her powwow with her brother the other day on the beach -- how he promised to be more supportive and all -- and about how she told Joe that Melissa would totes leave him, her muse, for a richer man (and then write a pop song about it). Jacqueline, mostly with her eyes, is like... why would you have ever said that? How can you possibly be this terrible?

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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