Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Jersey Side Step

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

Back at the Fancy Food Show, Chris is finally impressed by the performance of his nephews. Though they -- and he -- have a lot to learn, they're all doing what they have to do. Albert sets up his Brownstone Sauce booth, and Caroline partakes in hawking it. Albie tells us with great relief that his dad decided not to put Caroline on the jar of sauce, and so no one will fear that a plate of linguine will turn them into a hormonal old bat. Much is made of the fact that the BLK Water booth is way bigger than the Brownstone Sauce booth, but Christopher tells us that the sauce is a phenomenal product and that once his dad gets it in somebody's mouth, they go nuts. Yes, he realizes how that sounds.

And then it's time for Melissa's performance. She's as prepared as she'll ever be, and lip-syncs with great aplomb as her sisters cry with pride in the audience. Maybe instead of flying Cris Judd out to futilely teach her some rhythm, they should have invested in a vocal coach. Joe is very proud, and also thinks that the more they practice in the bedroom, the better she gets. Well if that's the case, she should be Maria Callas by now. Teresa is actually happy for Melissa, or so she claims. As she walks offstage, Gia gives Melissa a big hug. And then I guess Beatstock is over?

Post-Fancy Food, the Manzos and co have dinner and give Albie shit about being so lovesick. Chris says that Albie can't get too serious, because he has a lot of work to do. He doesn't want Lindsey to hold him back if he has to jet off to California for a Schmancy Drink Carnival or something. Albie says that if it ever comes down to BLK versus Lindsey, he'll always choose what's best for his family. Who is even asking him to make that choice? If anything, Lindsey seems like the one who's dubious about this whole scenario. Isn't she off cheering places, too? In any case, next stop, Napa! That shitshow should give us all something to look forward to.

The Gorga and Wakile clans hang out after Beatstock while Melissa, Cris and the dancers watch the video of her performance. Melissa doesn't want to be cocky, but she thinks she's awesome. Maybe next she'll actually try singing! An advanced move, I know. Kathy finds Melissa's success inspiring, and says that you have to go after things in life and not just accept what's handed to you. Ice cream shop sweets tasting table, here she comes! Teresa and Melissa talk awkwardly for a while about the Napa trip, and Teresa worries that because the roads are so windy they'll fall off a cliff. BEST SEASON FINALE EVER!!!! Teresa doesn't really want to go away with Jacqueline and Caroline, but says that this trip isn't about them. You know, except for the fact that they're the ones hosting it. Sigh. No, this trip is about Teresa and Juicy and Melissa and Joe reconnecting, in a small space, for five whole days. And Andy Cohen won't be satisfied until they've rekindled every last smidgen of their hatred for one another.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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