Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Jersey Side Step

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

And then it's time to visit the fresh hell of the Giudice household. A little terrorist who is NOT Milania for once tells Gia that she looks like a boobie girl. Is that kiddie parlance for tramp? In any case, Gia does not like it. Then Teresa tells Milania to go get daddy in her bedroom, and Milania busts out with, "Daddy's sleeping in his own room!" Between Jacqueline and Milania, Teresa really has no chance of keeping her personal business to herself. Speaking of, Jacqueline interviews that there have been plenty of rumors for a while that Teresa and Joe basically lead separate lives, but put on a face of togetherness in public. Trouble in that paradise of a marriage? Shocker, I know. One of Teresa's hair or makeup people tells the clan that Melissa will also be performing at Beatstock, and Gia's instant (and presumably correct) reaction is that Melissa will lip-sync and have a CD backup. Milania calls Melissa a big chicken, and Teresa confirms to her beauty crew that Melissa was lip-syncing at her release party. She is curious to hear Melissa ACTUALLY sing, probably so she can talk about how Melissa can't really sing. I guess we'll all have to wait for the live album, A Wench Like Me: Melissa Gorga Goes Acoustic. Gia does the booty-popping part of her dance routine, and we're out.

Meanwhile, Joe and Melissa are residing in the luxuriousness of a Fairfield Inn. Melissa's stylist and make-up artist are on hand, because it's Beatstock day! It's also Melissa's 7th wedding anniversary. This performance is her anniversary gift to Joe. He would prefer sex. Melissa gets supportive text messages from Albie, Caroline and Jacqueline, and a call from her music producer, Corte Ellis. Oh, the life of a celebrity. Lounging in a Fairfield Inn. You can tell that the stylist and make-up guy can't believe the crunkness of this situation.

Back in DC, there is BLK Water to promote. Fancy Food Show madness! The guys unload their truck, and Jacqueline tells us that Chris did have an apparel business that was forced into bankruptcy, so this whole BLK thing is his best guess at how to make money. Chris explains that they want to get BLK into more retailers than just Wegmans, and that the beverage business is extremely competitive and intolerant of any bullshit. Speaking of bullshit, it turns out that Christopher is kind of hurting after his dalliance with his clear Russian potato mistress. Uncle Chris gives a lecture to the whole group about staying serious, and when Christopher gets a little lip, Chris tells him that if he doesn't stay serious he'll get kicked out of the booth. Oooh, DO IT. Everyone only wants to see Albie, anyway. Chris tells us that, family or not, he needs to know that his business associates won't be complete buffoons when he's not around. He really picked the wrong crew, eh?

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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