Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Jersey Side Step

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

With that, it's time to check in and see how things are going with BLK Water. If there's anything more boring than following the interfamilial drama of the Gorgas, it's following the business ventures of anyone on this show. Sigh. Chris Manzo tells us that they're talking BLK Water to the Fancy Food Show in DC. It's a big show for them, and while their booth won't be one of the biggest there, he thinks it will be one of the busiest. If they really want to up their game, they should have an Albie Manzo kissing booth on the premises. Caroline and Albert are impressed by the mock-up booth that Chris and the boys have put together, though Albie says it pales in comparison to things he's seen, such as a cave made of cheese. OMG. If I lived there, I would sleep on a bed of crackers and have the most convenient midnight snack of all time. It turns out that Caroline and Albert are also going to the Fancy Food Show, because Albert will be premiering the new Brownstone Sauce. "Brownstone Sauce" sounds disgusting, right? It turns out that Albert's booth is VERY modest, like, a table with some sauce on it. And they want Caroline's photo on the jar! Albert says this is because Caroline reads as "old mom." She LOVES that description. Albie doubts whether his cranky, menopausal mom is going to sell any sauce at all. Hot flash sauce, maybe? Tastes like hormones!

And then it's time for our weekly Melissa Gorga flesh check. From Sunday to Sunday we wonder, IS SHE STILL HOT? Thankfully, dear readers, it appears that she is still hot. As Joe and the kids splash around in the pool. She emerges from their teeny shore house in a red one-piece bathing suit with those weird cut outs. I do not understand why anyone wears those. The tan lines, people! Oh my God, and hers has fringe in the front. I personally do not feel like this is her most attractive bathing suit option, but of course Joe gets a boner. Melissa tells us that the key to a successful marriage is to have sex every day, but at this point she's a little tired of Joe whipping out "Tarzan" in front of everyone and anyone and a national television audience. Beatstock is this weekend, and Joe reminds Melissa how "good" she is, thus cementing our impression of him as a tone-deaf baboon. Melissa promises that she'll never forget that Joe is her husband, and he of course still wants to bone her. Have I mentioned that they're drinking red wine, by the pool, in the summer? This is clearly Ramona pinot grigio weather! Get it together, Gorgas!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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