Real Housewives of New Jersey

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The Hills Have Eyes

Back in Italy, Teresa pulls out all the stops to really impress her family with her newfound wealth. Nothing says "I've made it" like dressing your daughters in matching outfits that resemble Swiss milk maid dresses if the milk maid ate nothing but strawberry Quik and feathers and then barfed on herself repeatedly. There is no way I can do justice to these dresses. Or the matching headpieces, which look like they were ripped from the pages of Horton Hears a Who, except, obviously, much, much pinker. Teresa explains that they were original designs made just for her girls. The baby looks like she is going to suffocate under her feathered hair accessory. They are full and pink with dirndls and ruffles everywhere and brown trim that may be leopard print, and they have trousers that make the girls look like teeny-tiny Clydesdales and... oh, fuck it. They are awful. Toddlers & Tiaras would think they were much too much. The girls can just show a picture of themselves in these outfits and get free therapy for life. Naturally Teresa is very proud. Teresa proposes a toast to family while everyone else tries not to giggle.

And then they are home. Caroline's sons have matured and do not pelt them with ham the moment they enter the house. Teresa and Joe cuddle on their leopard-print bed while the girls fall asleep around the house. Jacqueline is unpacking, too, but she's also remembering that Danielle exists and that gives her a sad.

Watch a clip from the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then check out last season's most ridiculous moments.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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