Real Housewives of New Jersey
Salon, Farewell

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 7 USERS: C+
A House Rebuilt

This season on Masterpiece Presents: The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Hurricane Sandy destroyed the shore houses, and talk turned to rebuilding. It was a metaphor! And there was plenty of emotional rebuilding to do, since everybody hated hurricane Teresa. Methods included a retreat in the Adirondikes, and while a pair of poor, useless facilitators were eaten alive, Dr. Vajayjay made some breakthroughs. Things got even better after a retreat in Arizona featuring Wyatt the Joe Giudice whisperer. But then Kim D. and Penny reared their ugly hag heads, claiming that Teresa was behind the various Melissa Gorga cheating and stripping rumors. Finally, shit came to a head at a Posche event, per usual.

As the finale begins, we're still at the Posche II event, where Penny and Teresa are screaming at each other about whether or not Teresa knew that Melissa would be set up at last year's Posche disaster. Joe Gorga believes Penny, but also thinks that she's a rat, or maybe believes her because she's a rat. I really don't try to look too deeply into his analytic processes. Teresa entreats Penny to show her proof to back up her accusations, and there is much murdering of the word "texts." While Teresa wants to see textes, Penny claims that she doesn't save her texteses, and the soothing white noise of the situation helps Caroline to have a breakthrough while watching the scene through her spectacles. She realizes that the common denominator in all disastrous family-annihilating events is Kim D., who as we know is an evil hag who crawled to Franklin Lakes from her birthplace, the seedy underbelly of a salami factory.

Then the sadly infamous Johnny the Greek shows up, fresh from having eaten a two-story building made of feta cheese. Joe wastes little time in confronting him about his Twittering habits, which include spreading information about the parties to whom Melissa has given blowjobs and her hospital visit schedule to see Joe's dad. I will note that this is the first episode of The Real Housewives that my mother has ever seen, and she was very, very confused. Joe wants to know where all the hate came from, and Johnny insists -- his mouth emerging from his tree trunk neck -- that he never Tweeted anything about the Gorga parents. He tells Joe to ask his sister where all this stems from, finally saying that he (likely via Penny) got all his information from Teresa. Joe yells at the Greek, then the Greek tells him not to raise his voice, and then chaos ensues in which cameras are shoved down to the ground. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but even Juicy seems kind of scared from the sidelines.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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