Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion Part 3

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Reunited and It Feels So Bad

And then they get into Melissa and Joe moving to get away from Teresa, and Melissa claims that Joe is really the one who wants to move, and THEN Juicy yells, "Melissa, how did you really meet Joe Gorga?" And then Joe gets really mad and yells at Juicy to shut the fuck up about his fucking wife. Now THAT sounds like some dirt, huh? And then Joe and Juicy go at it for a while. It turns out that they laugh at each other every day. How interesting, since we all laugh at both of them every week. It's sort of a sad laugh, though. They call each other "ya bum" for a while, and then argue about who needs to pay their bills more. Sometimes it's so hard to determine whether Andy Cohen has the best job or the worst job. It takes a lot of quality time in the Clubhouse with drunk Jackee to balance out this shit.

Oh, and then we get to talk some more about Juicy's accusation that Chris met Jacqueline when she was a stripper. Chris does indeed confirm that he met Jacqueline in Chicago at a (stripper pole) trade show. And Chris never told anyone he met her in Vegas, or that she was a stripper. Teresa then jumps in to say that Caroline told her that Jacqueline was a stripper. I mean, let's be honest. Jacqueline was probably a stripper. The men all seem to be in agreement that there's nothing wrong with being a stripper, and Chris points out that they talk about strippers like they're talking about serial killers.

It turns out that the actual stripper on the cast was JOE GORGA! Believe me when I say that this moment is like Christmukkah and Halloween and a birthday all together for Andy Cohen. Joe Gorga was with the Chippendales for a year, with a g-string that looked like an elephant, no joke. That had to have been his dream career! I'm saddened that he didn't stay with it. Teresa talks about finding the elephant g-string and Jacqueline interjects a completely superfluous and disgusting, "She was probably smelling it." For every moving montage of an autistic child, there's a "she was probably smelling it." It's why you can never truly get behind anyone on this show.

A viewer asks if Juicy regrets not supporting a reunion between Joe and Teresa. He says that no one wants to see a family feud, but what are you going to do. Andy asks how Joe felt when he saw Juicy call Teresa a see-you-next-Tuesday in Napa. Normally, says Joe, Juicy would have deserved a baseball bat in the head. But now, Joe is so hurt that he doesn't feel anything. Also, he had some choice things to say about Teresa himself. Juicy totally doesn't care that Joe called Teresa a bitch, but thinks that Joe not sticking up for Teresa when other people call her terrible names makes him a loser. Then Richie gets into it, and Juicy makes the worst joke about needing to call security because someone stole Richie's shoulders. Only Juicy would be obsessed enough with another man's shoulders to make a joke about it. They go at it for a while, and then Andy reminds Richie that he said Teresa should be burned at the stake. Eventually they get to talking about the fight where Richie gave Juicy a black eye, and who grabbed whose crotch first. This is a thing that's actually happening on national television! And we're all watching it!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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