Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion: Part 1

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And then it's time to revisit the Adirondikes retreat. Teresa rented a castle where she thought she and Joe could work out their issues. Joe thought the whole thing would be a waste of time. I thought so too, until we learned about Joe Gorga's spray-on hair, which made it all worthwhile. There were, of course, nut-biting fisticuffs, and Melissa compared Juicy to Saddam Hussein. Joe says that the fight was embarrassing, but was the best thing that ever happened. It made him realize that he loved Juicy, and that he's family. Teresa wonders why things have to go to violence and they can't just talk it out. Um, because they're all half-wits? Andy asks if Joe was really biting Juicy in the nuts, and Joe says that no, in fact he was PINCHING Juicy in the nuts.

A fan writes in to ask if Kathy was disturbed that Richie groped Rosie's boobs in the Adirondikes. Nay, says Kathy, because they're a very close family and they all touch. Rosie then grabs Joe Gorga's package, and Caroline gets a look on her face that signifies that she's questioning the life choices that brought her to this couch in this particular moment. Girl, I feel you. After some talk about Joe Gorga's spray-on hair, a fan wonders why Teresa thinks it's okay for her to call Joe pussy-whipped but unacceptable for him to call her scum. It's because she's a hypocrite as well as an idiot. The end.

Melissa and Teresa then argue about who has said mean comments about whom (everyone about everyone, or the producers aren't doing their jobs). Eventually Andy interrupts with a comment that Teresa made on a blog, saying that Melissa is lucky that she's not spilling some things she knows. Melissa wonders if Teresa has something on her, and it turns out that Teresa does not. Okay, fine: hypocrite, idiot AND liar. Add Sizzle Tans model and you have quite a resume!

Oh no, and then it's time to revisit life with Penny. Penny, as you may remember, was disgusting, and also claimed that Teresa was behind the Melissa cheating and stripping rumors. And then Joe and Penny's husband, Johnny the Greek, got in a fight, and Caroline screamed, "ARE YOU HAPPY?" Andy recounts the popular fan question of why Teresa continues to be friends with that hag Kim D. when she's always getting her in trouble with Joe and Melissa. Teresa says that they're all friends with her, and that Kim D. said she had nothing to do with any of this. Caroline rolls her eyes, and wonders why these assholes even have to be involved. Teresa is still mad that Melissa and Joe believe Penny over her, saying that Penny played all of them. Rosie doesn't want to point fingers, but says that she never sat down to dinner with the bitch, and would have thrown her out if she had. Teresa continues to deny that she was tight with Penny, and gets riled up when the others ask why she's still friends with Kim D. Oh boy, and then I fell asleep for like 90 seconds, and I can't bear to rewind and relive what happened. Something about Teresa and Kim D. being an evil machine, and Joe complaining that he has to go to court because of Johnny the Greek. When it comes to notable court appearances, I think Teresa has him beat, though.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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