Real Housewives of New Jersey
Play At Your Own Risk

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A+ | 5 USERS: A+
The Unseeable

Welcome back! I know you've been on the edge of your seat for an entire week waiting to find out what will happen between Danielle and Dina at their little tete-a-tit. And after that long on the edge of your seat, your ass probably fell asleep and you probably want to get up and walk or use the bathroom or something, but: YOU CAN'T. Because you might miss something! This dramatic denouement can only get less boring than it was last week and you wouldn't want to miss any potential shushing, would you? There might be shushing! Also, perhaps, huffing, eye rolling, hair flipping, escalating voices, and maybe someone will storm out or knock over a decorative throw pillow. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. You wouldn't want to miss THAT would you? Of course not. So sit back, hold it a little while longer and I will be sure to note on when you can make a break for it.

But not now! Because things at Chakra -- a wine bar seemingly created with the aspirational design of being a set for the Real Housewives of New Jersey, what with the candles, velvet pillows, ultra-suede sectional, and linen-ish curtains -- are heating up. Dina has just reminded Danielle that this meeting is all about her, Dina, and Danielle isn't allowed to say anything. Danielle and I both agree that if you call someone to a meeting and you aren't say Uri Geller, you have to expect a two-way conversation. This rule does not apply to Uri Geller because obviously you will be silenced in awe as he bends the cutlery with his mind (and his fingers, but mostly his mind). Then Dina shushed Danielle (can you imagine!) and Danielle does not abide being shushed. Dina then admits that she is not a Buddha, so stop praying at her feet and burning joss paper around her, okay? It's messing up her highlights. Danielle dares to bring up the past, but Dina is about The Present and won't listen to Danielle's complaints. Dammit, Danielle! This is about Dina! Quit talking! I really don't understand Dina's thought process here. Does she truly believe that Danielle should just sit there in silence while Dina berates her and tells her she wants nothing to do with her? And does Dina really think that Danielle will then let her get up and leave with dignity? Does she think Danielle owes her that? I love rich lady entitlement as much as the next aspiring entitled rich lady, but this is REALITY TELEVISION, Dina! There is no way anyone walks out with dignity.

As Danielle gets riled up, Dina picks up her bedazzled Louis Vuitton bag to go call her therapist and hug a healing crystal, but Danielle has some Words. Then Dina calls Danielle Crazy and that is a big old no-no and Danielle makes Crazy Eyes at her and threateningly demands that Dina never ever call her crazy again. Jesus, Danielle, why don't you just wish for a Gucci pony and some round tits while you're at it? Dina recommends that Danielle never "mistake her kindness for weakness" and walks out as Danielle hollers after her that she isn't exactly brimming with kindness. Out in the parking lot, Dina blames Danielle's defensiveness not on getting invited out to be yelled at by a former friend, but on being almost 50. As opposed to Dina who is 25.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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