Real Housewives of New Jersey
In the Name of the Father

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Five Guys Named Joe

As Melissa and CMJ head to the church, talk turns to Teresa's ailing father. We learn that CMJ holds a grudge against BJ for dominating their father Giacinto's time. The Gorgas show up for church, and Melissa looks like she's headed to work the boardwalk in AC. I guess the standards for christening outfits are different in Franklin Lakes. As the ceremony begins, Teresa's still getting her children together. She finally leaves the house, without Joe and Audriana, and makes it to the church just after the christening. She makes a big scene of arriving as the pictures are being taken, but the gesture is lost on Melissa, who snarks, "That bitch'll never miss a party -- especially when someone else is paying for it." Teresa notes the chilly reception from her brother and sister-in-law when she congratulates them. Melissa also takes issue with the fact that Gia and BJ didn't show up. "In my house, family comes first," she says, adding, "I don't know what goes on in that house."

And now on to the infamous Manor. In addition to the aforementioned powder blue track suit, they also have an Anne Geddes-style portrait of little Joey dressed up as a football. Anne Guidos? We pan around the room to see all the glorious excess as Melissa says they spared no expense for Joey's christening. She handpicked the white-and-blue cross cake, as did she design the cross ice sculpture and the leafless trees with tiny crosses dangling from the branches. Melissa states cattily, "Teresa thinks that she throws better parties than me, but she does not throw better parties than me." She calls her a faker and laughs uproariously.

The Giudices arrive. Teresa takes in the scene and notes smugly that her christening had 200 people. The Joes eye each other warily as Teresa admits that her husband doesn't really like going to these family events but does it for her. The first olive branch is snapped when CMJ offers BJ a shot, and BJ declines. CMJ calls BJ an asshole and a "fucking midget," and Melissa takes his rebuff as a personal affront. Because what would Jesus do? Shots!

Meanwhile, Lysa is sipping on her drink and lapping this shit up. She says again, loadedly and gleefully, "This should be interesting. Everybody in one room." Teresa gives us a little back-story that she called Lysa a few months ago to explain the friction between herself and Melissa. According to Teresa, Lysa agreed that Melissa can be "a cold bitch."

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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